Sometimes you just want to do some karate chops, get naked wasted and eat some cornbread that your dog stole. Well, apparently to a certain store (WALMART!!), in a certain state (Wisconsin) you are not allowed to just LIVE your best Wisconsin Walmart life. In fact, if you do these things, your ass is getting arrested. At least that’s what happened to 46-year-old Lisa Smith and her 25-year-old son Benny Vann.
According to Fox Baltimore:
Officers said the woman brought the dog into the store without a leash and Bo was running freely around the store, which prompted other customers to call police.
Reportedly, Bo got a box of Jiffy Cornbread Muffin Mix and tried to leave the store.
When officers responded they said they arrived to find Smith tearing apart displays at the store and after they finally got her outside, she began doing karate moves in the parking lot. Meanwhile, Vann allegedly stripped off all his clothes inside the Walmart and exposed himself to to the other customers.
Walmart is strange and wild place and their laws seem ambiguous. Who knew that some karate chopping and brief nudity while high on bathtub meth (I’m guessing) could get you arrested? I’ve never seen someone fully naked in a Walmart but I have seen some light nipples, full butt cracks and maybe the top of a vagina.
The cops were having none of their antics (This isn’t Florida, people!) and tried to arrest this mother/son Bonnie and Clyde in the most Walmart way ever.
Officers were able to subdue and arrest Smith, however she allegedly kicked out a patrol car window once she was in the backseat.
Police said Vann van tried to cover himself up with clothes from the Walmart racks when officers arrived, unfortunately for him it’s considered shoplifting if you don’t pay for them.
When officers approached him, Vann allegedly attempted to run them over in a motorized scooter. However they were able to stop the scooter and arrested him.
Imagine trying to outrun a cop in a motorized scooter in stolen Walmart clothes, while another officer is trying to arrest your mom who’s trying to outfox them with her karate moves AND her dog is on the lamb with some cornbread? This family is going to have one hell of an Easter story and THERE BETTER BE CORNBREAD.
Luckily, the cops decided not to charge Bo the dog with anything. Poor Bo, sharing a name with the Obama’s dog and then having to go the dog park with a rap sheet for stealing cornbread. The Shame! Bo the dog needs to turn his life around and start shopping at Target and if he’s going to steal something, for god’s sake, steal a dog treat! You deserve it, Bo! You’re a good boy! And don’t let a Walmart security guard ever tell you otherwise!
Pic: Eau Claire Police Department