The Olsens Are Making A Line For Kohl’s

April 12, 2019 / Posted by:

The Olsen Twins are known for charging an exorbitant amount of money to only the most foolish “fashionable” people who are rich and stupid enough to think that some of the stuff these millionaire twins try to call high-fashion is worth it. Such as this $3,320 “oversized shirt dress” you can spend three-months rent and utilities on, or you could just save yourself the financial hit and mug an Amish woman. Or this “iona caftan dress” you could either spend $1,590 on, or cut out the middle man and just go to IKEA, cut some holes into a $19.99 VÄGMÅLLA throw and call it a day.

Well, the Olsens are no fools, and they know that even though peasants are gross and smell weird and can’t afford to have custom bowls of cigarettes as centerpieces at their wedding, they still buy things. So to get some of that sweet-sweet middle and lower-class pie, the Olsens are teaming up with Kohl’s to begin exclusively selling their “cheaper” brand, Elizabeth & James.

Elizabeth & James are the names of the Olsens’ other siblings, it’s also the name of their more affordable collection of clothing. I used to work at a luxury store, and we sold Elizabeth & James, and let me tell you: it ain’t affordable. Unless you think $400 for a dress is affordable.

Page Six says Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen want to really turn the affordability up a notch and so they’re teaming up with your middle-class aunt’s favorite store, Kohl’s. The Elizabeth & James holiday collection will be the first exclusively available at Kohl’s, and from then on they will be the only ones selling E&J handbags, apparel and accessories. The fragrances, however, will still be available to the wealthy.

Mary-Kate & Ashley made a statement about the move to Women’s Wear Daily:

“Our vision for Elizabeth and James is to deliver a lifestyle brand that offers women access to premium fashion at an affordable price without sacrificing quality and fit… Kohl’s is the right partner to take our brand into a new era, while staying true to the high-quality, fashion-forward designs that our loyal brand enthusiasts expect from us. Leveraging Kohl’s extensive store network and digital platform will allow us to reach a much larger audience than we have in the past and for this we are particularly excited…. Kohl’s is doing a great job with innovation and thinking differently about omni-channel retail. We have always seen Elizabeth and James speaking to a much larger audience and this new business model with Kohl’s will allow us to achieve that. Mary-Kate and I are excited to work with them building out additional lifestyle categories and curating spaces that will bring a new shopping experience to our customer.”

Okay Kohl’s, get you some of that thick Olsen Twins money. And I can’t wait for this new Kohl’s x The Olsen Twins “shopping experience”. Stay tuned for Kohl’s to get a lot more smoking sections as scowling employees in Kohl’s-brand shapeless capes pass out cigarettes to their shoppers upon entering.


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