Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are not going to feed into your strange desire to see their newborn baby three seconds after the kid is pulled out of her. It was reported that Meghan was thinking about having a home birth and it looks like that’s happening. It’s also been confirmed that you will all just have to wait to see what that scrunched up, crying, lump of person looks like after it violently fights against leaving the comfort of Meghan’s womb. Because once she gives birth, Meghan has no intention of getting into hair and makeup and parading the newborn in front of you.
Vanity Fair reports that Buckingham Palace has sort-of confirmed Meghan’s home birth while also letting the people know that they can all eat dirt if they think they’re definitely not seeing this baby once it’s born. It’s Meghan’s baby and she’ll let you see it when she’s good and ready. The Palace gave this statement:
“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are very grateful for the goodwill they have received from people throughout the United Kingdom and around the world as they prepare to welcome their baby. Their Royal Highnesses have taken a personal decision to keep the plans around the arrival of their baby private. The Duke and Duchess look forward to sharing the exciting news with everyone once they have had an opportunity to celebrate privately as a new family.”
But Meghan isn’t giving up the ho stroll completely, she’s just circumventing the usual timeline. A source in the palace says that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will pose with the… Prince of Sussex? What’s the baby’s title? Does the baby get a title? Well they’re going to pose with Sir or Lady Baby after it’s born and you will see the photo:
“It will probably be within a few days of the birth, but there is no time limit… It will depend on how the birth goes and how the Duchess is feeling.”
This may all feed into the: “THE QUEEN hates Meghan because she keeps wearing black nail polish”-narrative but the tradition of showing off the royal baby was actually only started by Prince Charles and Princess Diana who showed off Prince William after he was born at the hospital, which was also new because normally the royals gave birth at home. THE QUEEN gave birth to all her kids at Buckingham Palace. So Meghan is jumping into the old tradition and birthing that baby at home. However, she did slight THE QUEEN a little by going with a different OB-GYN team. I guess she would rather doctors who aren’t used to working on a 92-year-old vagina? (I know you’re probably going to delete this joke Michael but I had to leave it)
Meanwhile, in America: the suburban-woman’s goddess, Oprah Winfrey, is telling you all to leave Meghan the hell alone. Oprah is working with Prince Harry on a series focused on mental health on Apple TV. She appeared on her boo Gayle’s show CBS This Morning to talk about it.
Prince Harry and @Oprah are launching an Apple TV docu-series tackling mental health.
— CBS This Morning (@CBSThisMorning) April 10, 2019
Of course this is American television and while it’s nice that someone is there to talk about helping those with mental health issues, the real interest lies in this girl’s friendship with the Royals. Not only is she doing this show with Harry but she also went to the wedding, remember? Well, Oprah was ready to talk about Meghan:
“I think she’s being portrayed unfairly, and I feel that if people really knew her they would know that she is not only everything we perceive of her in being graceful and dynamic in holding that position, but she just has a wonderful, warm, giving, loving heart… I think it’s very unfair.”
Oprah would know, she even hangs out with Meghan’s mom, Doria Ragland, doing yoga and eating kumquats. Oprah told Entertainment Tonight:
“She’s great at yoga, so I said, ‘Bring your yoga mat and your sneaks in case we just want to do yoga on the lawn.’… So one of the bags was a yoga mat and the other was lunch… She said, ‘I love kumquats,’ and I said, ‘I have a kumquat tree! You want some kumquats?’ So it was a basket of kumquats, people… For all of the people who said I am getting her gifts and I’m trying to bribe her for an interview, they were kumquats. If kumquats can get you an interview, I’m all for it.”
Wow. Your daughter is a Duchess and now you’re doing yoga with Oprah? Living the life, Doria. If you’re hearing a high-pitched screech over the regular din of street noise, it’s just Samantha Markle who is reading about Oprah hanging out with Meghan’s mom and pulling her hair out in rage while shouting: “WHERE ARE MY KUMQUATS FROM OPRAH?!”