Pour out that venti Americano with a splash of almond milk from Starbucks (actually don’t, because that mess probably cost you like $45 and there’s no need to waste it on these two), because Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have left us SHOOKus once again by delivering the sequel to their first break up. They have ended things again. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire coffee industry who are definitely shaking in fear over their future now that coffee’s IT couple has broken up. The shoulder of Juan Valdez’s donkey is probably covered in his tears as he cries on his sidekick over this awful news.
Ben and Shookus, who is a producer on Saturday Night Live, first got together in the summer of 2017 and split a year later because she reportedly couldn’t take his boozing. After Ben boozed it up some more, got with a Playboy model, and then finally went to rehab again with help from Jennifer Garner, he and Shookus tried to make it work again. They got back together earlier this year and replaced boozing with guzzling down coffee, lots of it. But Us Weekly says that after three months of trying things out again, the heart-shaped latte foam that was their love has been swallowed whole by that bitch known as distance.
“She has a kid and an ex-husband and a job in New York and Ben has his family and a job in L.A., and while they love and respect each other, they just realized it wasn’t going to work,” an insider explained to Us of the Batman star, 46, and the 38-year-old Saturday Night Live producer’s decision to go their separate ways. “They really gave it another solid try.”
Though Affleck and Shookus’ second chance at romance didn’t work out, the source notes that the twosome “will always have love for each other.”
There’s been rumors that these two cheated on their spouses with each other, and well, sometimes when the dangerous thrill of humping on each other’s taken fuck parts really wears off, you realize that you don’t really like their asses. It can happen. Besides, unless you’re a scat queen, hearing your man say, “Oopsie, leaked out a poop noodle into my panties,” after drinking his tenth coffee of the day may dry up your loins. Just a bit.