The return of The Hills is on its way and Stephanie Spratt is working hard to make it seem like the revival is more interesting than watching beige paint dry by telling us about her totally not scripted storyline involving her brother Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Stephanie went on her podcast The Pratt Cast and stated that “no one knows the real Heidi” and that “before the new Hills, the Beginnings, my mom , my brother and I all sat down and said, “we will not let this ruin our family again.” Well, Spencer’s got crystals to buy and Stephanie’s fillers bill ain’t going to pay itself, so commence the broken family storyline!
As it turns out, their latest fight comes down to Heidi refusing to share champagne with Stephanie during a recent Hills cast photo shoot. According to Stephanie, “she offered alcohol to everyone else on the set.” I mean has there ever been a bigger reason to break up a family then that? It reminds me of when my daughter was a toddler and she didn’t get what she wanted, she would yell, “YOU’RE OUT OF THE FAMILY!” but that was for things like trying to brush her teeth not something as egregious as not sharing champagne. In fairness, if someone in my family doesn’t offer me a glass a of champagne they most certainly ARE OUT OF THE FAMILY.
According to Us Weekly, Stephanie said:
“I’m done. I don’t care. I’m not protecting them anymore,” Stephanie said on Monday. “You have to put on your oxygen mask before you put on someone else’s … That’s what I’m doing right now. If my mom can’t handle this, that’s her issue. I cannot help her.”
The Celebrity Big Brother alum added that she’s “not going to pretend” that Heidi and Spencer are “good people” like she did during the original run of the MTV show. Stephanie, who joined the cast of The Hills during season 3 in 2007, often struggled to please Spencer on the series after befriending Heidi’s former friend Lauren Conrad.
“The behavior that I’ve seen … I’m done. This is why I moved to London,” Stephanie told Wells. “They are the most toxic people I’ve ever met. They are Bonnie and Clyde till they die. So if they say, ‘The sky is black,’ all of us are morons for saying, ’It’s blue.’ … I’m going to expose them for who they are.”
Spencer Spratt and Heidi Montag have long been fame-whoring villains and human garbage people but what’s weird is it feels like Stephanie is just figuring it out now? Kudos to her to catching up with the rest of the world but she should really work on her timing.
Stephanie also told her podcast co-host Wells Adams (yes, that’s his name) that Heidi is the reason for why she has a trash relationship with her brother.
“If you ever have a son, Wells, I pray that he doesn’t meet Heidi Montag,” Stephanie said before calling Heidi a “gold digger” and accusing her of taking advantage of her parents’ money. “If it weren’t for Heidi, I would have an epic relationship with my brother. So would my parents. … I’ve tried to be nice to her for 10 years because I love my brother.”
Honestly, I’m grateful for Stephanie Spratt, because this is the Hills reunion I want to see. I don’t want to see Lauren Conrad’s perfectly decorated baby room, counting her millions while cuddling her perfect husband. I want to see Heidi get some botched plastic surgery, while Spencer spends millions on butt crystals and watch Justin Bobby continue to do the worst impersonation of 90s Johnny Depp. And if they really want to make this Hills revival watchable, then in every single scene, Audrina Patridge’s star of a mom should show up and call everyone but her a daughter a fucking Hills tramp.