For a man who I’m sure has spent the better part of his life being called Colton Underwear, TV’s The Bachelor Colton Underwear (ok, Underwood) doesn’t know very much about his namesake. Colton recently appeared on a show called LadyGang (it’s not nearly as cool as it sounds, they do NOT have matching satin jackets) and received the shock of his life when he learned that women generally don’t throw their panties out every time they get their period. Upon hearing about period panties, Colton showed his ass by screaming “that is so gross!” and inadvertently let every one know he shits his pants on the regular by comparing the two. Apparently this has pissed some people off, but why are they surprised? His name is COLTON UNDERWOOD.
According to Us Weekly, Colton was “visibly disgusted” when, during a segment called Ask Me Anything, the discussion turned to menstruation. Colton, who was (and hopefully still is) a virgin during his tenure as The Bachelor, was asked if he would notice if a woman was “wearing a cute underwear or, like, a period underwear”.
He appeared to be surprised that the latter exists, prompting Becca Tobin to explain that “girls have special underwear that’s designated for your time of the month.”
“You keep ‘em around? Buy new underwear! Throw them away”
When Jac Vanek called the former football player “wasteful,” he responded, “I, as a husband and a boyfriend, will go buy you new underwear. That is so gross! So if you shit your pants, are you gonna just wash them? No, you’re throwing them away.”
Here’s a clip, Colton gets an education at 1:13.
Colton gets it, you guys! I remember back to my single days, getting my period and miserably wallowing in the same pair of blood and uterine lining sodden underwear for days on end, just wishing and hoping for a husband or boyfriend to come along and strip my soiled shame from my body and magnanimously hand me a pink box from Victoria’s Secret filled to the brim with sexy eau de parfum lace thongs so that I may reclaim my dignity. #YesAllColtons.
Seriously, I can’t believe he was The Bachelor? I cannot for the life of me imagine why any woman would compete for the attentions of a squeamish dweeb with the intellect of a toddler, let alone bother to give him the time of day. If Colton asked me what time it was, I’d ask him where his mommy and daddy were and if he needed help. Then I’d look at my watch and realize I don’t have time for this shit and brush him off with a “good luck little boy” as I breezed past and went about my business. I wouldn’t even let him know he had a big old shit stain on the back of his little chinos.