Open Post: Hosted By Sam Smith Doing The Bloat Dance

April 2, 2019 / Posted by:

Sam Smith talked recently about his issues with his body, and how when he was just 12 years old his parents let him get his chichis lipoed, because tweens are Lucifer’s creations and there’s only so many times you can use the “I ate too many fried shrimps at the Sizzler and have stomach cramps” excuse to get out of P.E. and changing in the locker room. But that was then, and this is now, so Sam Smith is embracing his furry titty bowls and shaking them on Instagram. Bloat and Nair, be damned!

While many famous tricks want you to dump the bloat and peddle bloat-destroying teas that will also destroy your asshole (and not in a sexy way), Sam Smith is doing the opposite. He’s embracing the bloat. Sam posted the picture above on Instagram with this caption:

Feeling bloated and gross after my flight so thought I’d post a mirror selfie of my sexy bloated boobies coz we are friends. Finally

Sam continued to serve up a plate of bushy chest dumplings on his Instagram Stories, but also added a heaping side of sweet moves thanks to the chipmunk warbles of Camila Cabello. Sam, don’t listen to the jealous haters who are telling you to grab one of those water bottles since you’re obviously thirsty. Giddy up, and make the air jizz with those butt sways.

Sam also stripped down to those panties and brought a little boylesque tease and hallway strut to Demi Lovato’s Sorry Not Sorry.

I know that Sam Smith is trying to be sexy and is slapping the beat, but at the end of that clip he looks more like me in my chonies at 4 in the morning swatting at the newly blind mosquito that’s been buzzing in my ear for two hours as I tried to sleep. I say “newly blind” because bitch obviously went blind from seeing me in my chonies.

Pic: Instagram

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