Congrats to Kanye who found a way to make Coachella even more insufferable…
Coachella announced this year’s line-up back in January and one of the artistes who was rumored to be a headliner, Kanye West, was notably not on it. It was then reported that the reason Kanye wasn’t going to be at the show was because he’s a self-obsessed douchenozzle who wasn’t happy the festival couldn’t accommodate his stage-desires. Apparently he didn’t give a fuck about any of those rich people dressed up in Native American headdresses needing to have access to portable bathrooms; he just wanted his giant dome! Well he didn’t get it, but I guess his artistic vision has told him that the people should get to pee in a closed space, because he’s going to Coachella and taking his kult, I mean, church with him.
Vulture reports that Kanye West has traded in his gigantic dome idea which was ludicrous because he’s not that special to take up that much space, and now he has another equally modest idea: a Kanye Church. Yes, you read that correctly, Kanye West plans to take all of Coachella’s Weekend 2 visitors to Church.
Coachella confirmed on Twitter that Kanye indeed would be attending the music festival and not only that, but he’s going to give all you crazy people who think that him talking to trees means he’s “woke” and thinks out of the box, a place to allow your joint delusions to run wild:
Kanye West's Sunday Service on Easter, Weekend 2 ? pic.twitter.com/jFIcLYNUlV
— Coachella (@coachella) March 31, 2019
As opposed to a solo act, Kanye is being listed as: “Kanye West’s Sunday Service” and will only be present for the second weekend on Easter Sunday. Is that the one where Jesus comes back from the dead? Or is that Monday? That’s Monday, right? I just want to know if this Sunday Service is going to start with Kanye emerging from a cave dressed in white robes and sandals. I mean, it probably will anyway, I just want to know if it will make sense.
The scary thing is, there have been legitimate rumors that Kanye was trying to start his own church. The game plan was having weekly religious-themed concerts that use gospel versions of his rap songs. So this Coachella performance may be the official public debut of the Church Of Kanye.
Welp, I can tell you one thing: I will not be joining this Church. But I will watch the Leah Remini Scientology And The Aftermath version about an ex-Kanye Churcher who exposes all the psychotic goings on of the Church of Kanye. Liking all of Kim Kardashians Instagram pictures to gain entry, getting audited by trees on your past transgressions, wearing MAGA hats all day everyday, Blexit: there’s going to be a lot to touch on.