Joe Alwyn Doesn’t Want To Be A Celebrity

March 22, 2019 / Posted by:

He’s not a celebrity, get him out of there!!! Joe Alwyn, also known as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend that hasn’t caused her to write a break-up album yet, is a British actor. You know, the kind that appears on stage in front of people and was even in the Academy Award-winning The Favourite. Despite the screen time and dating Taylor Swift, sources want you to know that Joe is NOT in this for the celebrity, so don’t expect him to show up in any curated Fourth of July party squad photo with Blake Lively and the rest of the crowd. He’s just here for true love, dammit! I know, I can’t stop laughing either.

People heard from a source who gave further details on why Joe is with Taylor for all the right reasons:

“Joe has zero interest in being a celebrity.Their personalities are very compatible, and they’re respectful of each other’s careers.”

That means Joe has agreed Taylor is a power top, can write whatever the fuck she wants about him, and will change out the litter in Meredith Grey and Olivia Benson’s litter box twice daily. Honestly, that’s not a bad gig.

Joe and Taylor have been together for more than two years, which places their relationship somewhere between the love Taylor has for an entry-level squad member and what she had for Karlie Kloss during the golden days of her model army. Joe has already blabbed to the press how he wouldn’t spill his guts about his private life just like any other Joe on the street. Well, Joe, when the Joe picking his nose on the subway starts dating a pop singer, I’ll start caring about where he’s sticking his peen, too, so calm down! The snitch from earlier says the private start to their relationship “really helped” enabled them to get to know each other in peace. That’s good because I’m sure that peaceful start was needed to calm TSwift down during that scene in The Favourite when Emma Stone, a maybe-still member of the squad, gave Joe a handy!


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