Hot Slut Of The Day!
The Falcon Jizz Hat!
This story about a jaunty hat that is decorated with falcon cum is a little on the old side, but it was Confucius who said: It is never too late to make a falcon jizz hat Hot Slut of the Day. Or maybe that was Cumfucius who said that. I don’t know, but here we are.
Twitter got covered with several layers of falcon baby batter last month when @RedScharlach tweeted about a hat that falcon breeders put on to seduce dude falcons into busting a bird nut that the breeder collects to turkey baste a lady falcon with. I know I have written many words of pure poetic poetry on this site before, but that may be the most purest words of poetry that have ever left my fingertips.
The hat, which kind of looks a trypophobia nightmare condom, has actually been around since the 1970s. It was made by falconer Les Boyd, and Earth Touch News says that it’s been used to save several species of falcons from extinction. Les says that falcons in captivity don’t really want to fuck other falcons, which is why he came (not punned on purpose, I swear) up with the falcon fuck hat. If you think that hat is SUCIO, then I should tell you that breeders used to let falcons hump and bust on their hand. That little piece of info might make Shane Dawson switch careers.
Les explains the falcon spunk collector hat like this:
“The imprinted males were extremely easy to work with,” explains Boyd. While they wouldn’t engage in copulation with another falcon, they would mate with their human flock members. “Once the semen was on the hat, it could be easily pulled into a syringe, and imprinted females would stand for semen deposit. It was incredibly simple.”
And if you really want to see a grown man squeak out “Rick” on a loop like Amy Poehler on helium as a falcon fuck and finishes on his pizza dough hat, you don’t have to go to PornNest (that’s PornHub for birds) to see it!
The next time I glance in the mirror at myself humping an orange pillow case while moaning out Prince Hot Ginge’s name, I’m not going to feel like such a mess. I mean, at least I don’t fuck a hat. Weirdo falcons!
Pic: Twitter