Lauren Sanchez And Jeff Bezos May No Longer Be Together

March 20, 2019 / Posted by:

The Wall Street Journal claimed this week that Lauren Sanchez’s Trump-loving gay brother, Michael Sanchez, sold her out to The National Enquirer for $200,000 by giving them sexts between her and Jeff Bezos. The WSJ also said that Michael gave the Enquirer dick pics that Jeff texted Lauren. Michael denied that he gave Jeff’s dick pics to the Enquirer. But now he’s telling Page Six that he did help the Enquirer with their exposé on Jeff and Lauren allegedly cheating on their spouses by bumping home wrecking fuck parts. Michael claims he made a deal with the Enquirer to help his sister. No word if “sister” is his nickname for his checking account, but one source claims that his acts of greedy buffoonery may have fucked up his sister’s chances at becoming a billionaire’s second wife!

Michael tells Page Six that he made a “deal with the devil,” the devil being the Enquirer. Michael claims he only did it to protect Lauren and Jeff by getting the Enquirer to release the story after his sister and Jeff told their spouses about their affair. But Michael still claims that he’s not the one who gave Jeff Bezos’ dick pics to the Enquirer. Whoever leaked the dick pics, Jeff’s looking to find out who did, and while he does that, a source says he’s not seeing his side piece-turned-main piece, even though there was a rumor they were looking to live together.

A source told us the two “haven’t seen each other since the story broke. A lot of this has to do with their decision to lay low and spend time with their kids, who didn’t get a warning about the Enquirer story and now have to deal with the intense public interest and the paparazzi in pursuit.”

The source added, “Michael isn’t doing her and Jeff any favors by keeping his sister’s name in the press. He may genuinely believe he is defending Lauren, but in many ways he is actually doing more to … doom her relationship with Jeff.”

There are three good reasons to declare your brother dead to you:

  1. Bitch changes the channel while you’re watching Showgirls.
  2. Bitch ate a flower-topped corner piece of sheet cake at your birthday party.
  3. Bitch messed up your chances at marrying the richest man on the planet.

Michael also played himself, because while he’s $200,000 richer, he probably would’ve ended up with more money if his sister married the money bags human version of Beaky Buzzard. Because saying to Jeff, “Listen, I won’t ruin everyone’s dinner by verbally sticking my tongue up Trump’s ass,” before Thanksgiving has to be worth at least a beach house for Christmas.


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