YouTuber Shane Dawson Says His Bestiality Story Was Just A Joke
All together now: RUUUUN, CAT, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!
30-year-old Shane Dawson (pronounced “WHO?!” to us olds) is one of the biggest (and probably one of the richest) YouTubers with over 21 million subscribers. And like many big YouTubers, he has mouth sharted up some foolery which he has had to give a totally real and genuine apology for. Shane had to put on his best sowwwy face to apologize for doing blackface repeatedly and for things he’s said about pedophilia. And yesterday, Shane, who came out as bisexual in 2015, had to once again try to save his YouTube Kingdom with a sorry after a clip came out of him telling the tale of the first time he got on pussy, and by pussy I mean an actual cat. Again: RUUUUN, CAT, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!
Someone put on a pair of rubber gloves and dipped into 2015 to pull out a clip from Shane’s podcast Shane and Friends of him talking about how when he was 19 years old, he assaulted his cat by dry humping and cumming on her. Shane’s delivery is less “IT’S JUST AN EDGY JOKE” and sounds like him seriously talking about the time he was in a horrifying and illegal scene straight out of Animal Planet Presents Law & Order: SVU.
can we just stop supporting shane dawson? to me black face pedophila or BEASTIALITY is never a joke. pic.twitter.com/xeDJUIwkjd
— ::J ||-//:: (@clikkiewstr) March 18, 2019
After that clip spread everywhere and the kids declared Shane Dawson as “canceled,” the Lena Dunham of YouTube decided to give his bottle of glycerine tears the day off, and instead of issuing a teary-eyed apology video, he burped up a stream of tweets where he said it was just a joke and he’s not a cat rapist.
i didnt fuck my cat. i didnt cum on my cat. i didnt put my dick anywhere near my cat. Ive never done anything weird with my cats. I promised myself i wasnt going to make apology videos after last years thing so im just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible. (1/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
ive apologized many times for all the dumb shit ive said in videos and podcasts over the years. ive learned my lesson over and over again and im more confident now in my ability to be entertaining by just being myself and not being so shocking for laughs.(2/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
that story was fake and was based on a dumb awful sketch idea I had years ago that i never made (THANK GOD) and when the opportunity came up for a funny moment in the podcast I told it as if it was a real story which was DISGUSTING and VERY VERY DUMB (3/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
my goal with the podcast and with my videos years ago was to tell shocking stories that would make people laugh and scream "OMG NO U DIDNT!!" and think i was "soooo crazy". its embarrassing and i fucking hate myself for it. (4/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
now that im making stuff i love and im being myself it feels so much better and i finally feel like im putting stuff out into the world that means something. im not saying i hate everything ive made over the years (5/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
so im sorry for what i said about my cat, im sorry for what i said about anything or anyone that was offensive, and im sorry for being someone who thought being super offensive and shocking all the time was funny. im sorry for my past. but im really to make it right and (7/?)
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
i feel like without my past i wouldnt be who I am today and i wouldnt be able to grow & spend my energy on things that actually mean something. this has been the best 2 years of my life & its because ive been able to drop the act & be myself. and im sorry for not doing it sooner
— Shane Dawson (@shanedawson) March 18, 2019
I’d like to think that if Shane Dawson really did hump his cat, the story would end with him saying he has a Frankenpeen now, because Lorena Bobcat rightfully clawed his dick off and it had to be re-attached. Joking or not, Shane Dawson’s YouTube Kingdom will be fine, because the 12-year-olds who watch him would defend him even if he posted a video of him pissing on kittens while in blackface as R. Kelly.
And if we thought 2018 was a clusterfuck of messiness, 2019 showed up with a tweet from someone who had to let us know that he didn’t fuck his cat and didn’t cum on his cat. This world. This year.
Pic: Instagram