Since Prince Hot Ginge is in the mood to split things, he should split these cheeks. And just like that, I earned another ten years on my restraining order.
Last October, the rumors of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s feud with Prince William and Duchess Kate started when we all learned that they were splitting up offices. That filled our head with the image of Meghan and Kate fighting over the last Yoplait in the refrigerator and PHG passively aggressively taping a note that read, “This is not YOUR house. I am not YOUR maid. Clean after yourself!,” onto a cabinet in the break room after Kate and William didn’t wash their dishes. And after months of rumors about things between PHG and Willy being tenser than a bodyguard’s butthole whenever Prince Philip took the wheel, it was reported in February that the split of their households was going to happen very soon. Today is that “very soon,” because THE QUEEN has taken a royal machete to their joint court and split that bitch up.
The royal family wants us all to think that PHG and P.Willy aren’t splitting up their courts because they are sick of each other and are tired of breaking apart their fighting wives as Meghan and Kate tussle over a coat they both want to wear to the opening of a hospital wing. The story is that PHG and P. Willy have their own families now, so they should have their own staff and offices. The palace also said in a statement today that the splitting of households has to do with PHG and Meghan moving into Frogwhore Cottage in the suburbs.
“This long-planned move will ensure that permanent support arrangements for The Duke and Duchess’s work are in place as they start their family and move to their official residence at Frogmore Cottage.”
Prince William and Duchess Kate’s offices will stay at Kensington Palace. Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s offices will move to Buckingham Palace where THE QUEEN lives. People says that P. Willy and Kate got a new Senior Adviser. Also, a former advisor of Hillary Clinton will help out PHG and Meghan with communications stuff. But PHG and Meghan shouldn’t bother learning her name since she’s going to quit in a few months anyway!
In an update from Kensington Palace on Friday, it was announced that Jason Knauf has been appointed as Senior Adviser to William and Kate. His responsibilities will include advising Their Royal Highnesses on their charitable initiatives – including work on the environment, mental health, and early childhood – and supporting a review of the charitable structures that underpin their work. Christian Jones has been appointed as their Communications Secretary.
Sara Latham, a former senior advisor for Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign, has been appointed to head up communications for Harry and Meghan, reporting directly to The Queen’s Communication Secretary.
Meghan, who will birth out the royal half-ginger baby late next month, is supposedly on maternity leave right now.
No wonder THE QUEEN approved the splitting up P. Willy and PHG’s court. THE QUEEN wanted her BFF nearby. That way, THE QUEEN could casually stroll over in her house slippers to Meghan’s office, and lean up against the doorframe with a mug of gin in hand and say, “Giirrrrl, did you see that bear’s butthole ring that Camilla had on her head yesterday? Her head looked like it was coming out of a grizzly’s anus.”
Here’s Camilla wearing a bear’s butthole ring at the Cheltenham Festival yesterday.