Archives: February 2019

Condolences To All: Ed Sheeran Is Officially Off The Market

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Even though my ears and my eyes are deathly allergic to Ed Sheerhan (I had to snort 2 rails of Benadryl before tackling this story), I can concede that despite his oatmeal dander, he seems like a nice enough dude. And just to prove it, Ed did us all a favor. He went and got secret married, with nary a “hoop” nor a “la” to be seen. According to The Sun, Ed married his childhood sweetheart, Cherry Seaborn, at his country estate in Suffolk just before Christmas. There were only about 40 guests in attendance, and his home-scratch Taylor Swift was not one of them.

Continue reading

“A Star Is Born” Is Heading Back To Theaters And Lady Gaga Insists She’s Not Really In Love With Bradley Cooper

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

I saw on the news this morning that Bradley Cooper popped his furry rodent face out of the ground, saw his shadow, grumbled incoherently and dove back down. Which I guess means we can expect at least another 6 weeks of having A Star Is Born shoved down our throats. ASIB is getting a theatrical re-release, and this time it’s going to be even longer.

According to Huffington Post, 12 minutes of new footage has been added, probably at the end where *SPOILER ALERT* Sam Elliott’s mustache jumps off his face and runs to the garage to replace the rope Jackson has tied around his neck. Sam’s ‘stache gently unfurls, leaving Jackson disoriented but alive, so they can make a sequel. I’m already organizing a 2020 Oscar campaign: Mustache for Best Supporting Actor.

Continue reading

A Fight Broke Out Over Crab Legs At An Alabama Buffet

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Most buffets are magical places where you plop down a few bucks, grab a plate and gorge yourself on a variety of items until your belly is so full you play beat the clock with traffic while making your way home to the bathroom. Therefore if you want to overeat as much as you can, you’ve got to cut in front of a bitch to make sure they don’t get to the food before you do. This is exactly what went down last Friday at the Meteor Buffet in Huntsville, Alabama where two diners, John Chapman and Chequita Jenkins, became the only contestants of a one day game show titled Seafood Smackdown when they got into a fight over delicious crab legs.

Continue reading

Tags: ,
SHARE

Will Smith Will Not Be Returning For The “Suicide Squad” Sequel

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

This is bad news for me, because there weren’t a whole lot of things I enjoyed about Suicide Squad other than Will Smith as Deadshot, Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn, and Viola Davis because she’s Viola Davis. As of right now there’s still no word as to whether or not Margot will be returning for her role as the Joker’s equally insane girlfriend but I’m thinking without Will or Margot the real Suicide Squad will be the people behind the film because this shit’s going to tank and probably be even worse than the first one.

Continue reading

SHARE

Luke Perry Is In The Hospital After Reportedly Suffering A Stroke (UPDATE)

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Just one day after news of that bizarre 90210 reboot punched a HUH? out of us, we’re learning that Luke Perry had a major stroke and is in the hospital right now. QUICK! Everybody grab your 90210 crucifix (read: a Dylan McKay doll) and a vat of 90210 holy water (read: some drugstore 90210 perfume from the 90s) and form a prayer circle around Dylan McKay now!

Continue reading

Kim Kardashian Wants To End The (Possibly Fake) Momo Challenge

February 28, 2019 / Posted by:

It warms my heart to see celebrities stand up against any form of injustice because it truly shows that they care about people. This, however, is not one of those instances. Kim Kardashian, a notorious specter of the internet, must have been on YouTube recently searching for “number of times Kim Kardashian has smiled” when she discovered the potentially dangerous Momo Challenge, which is allegedly aimed at young children instructing them to harm themselves through splicing an eerie image into videos aimed at kids like Peppa Pig. And since this is something that’s based within Kim’s home planet of The Internet (where all of her selfies rest comfortably in infamy), she has decided that it’s time for everyone to join forces and fight against the threat of Momo!

Continue reading

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >