I tell you, Fuck You money is wasted on the unimaginative basics of this world. For example, Katy Perry was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote season 17 of American Idol and told the adorkable story of Orlando Bloom’s Valentine’s Day proposal. For the super wealthy, nothing says tacky over-the-top romantic gesture quite like a surprise helicopter ride (with the exception of a private Kenny G concert in your “living room”), so that’s exactly what Orlando did. And where did he whisk his lady-love away to, you ask? A private island? A secluded mansion on a remote coast? An aircraft carrier to be greeted by Cher and a thousand scantily clad seamen? No. After a mile-high, bumbling proposal with a bottle of champagne and a note, Orlando had them land on a rooftop probably less than a mile from where they got picked up. Boo. Look, Orlando’s was in 4 Pirates of the Caribbean movies. He can afford Cher’s per diem.
According to People, Orlando surprised Katy after Valentine’s Day dinner by having the valet pull up in a helicopter. I guess? This story doesn’t really make a lot sense. Almost as if the details were reimagined for late night.
“It was very sweet,” Perry shared. “It was Valentine’s Day … we went to dinner and I thought we were going to go see some art after dinner but we pulled up to a helicopter.”
“It was really sweet. He asked me to marry him in a helicopter,”
“The funny part is we had champagne in the helicopter and the [ring] box was in his pocket and he had written down everything he wanted to say on a note. So I’m reading [the note] but I’m hearing the champagne is broken and the bottle’s everywhere … he’s pulling out this box that’s too big for his coat pocket, rips his coat pocket and his elbow goes into the champagne.”
Fucking slapstick legend, that Orlando! It’s almost too precious too believe. Katy said that they eventually landed on a rooftop and went downstairs and all her family and friends were there and they had a party, so that’s nice I guess. You can watch the clip here.
But I just want to bring it back to American Idol for a sec. Yesterday I posited that there will probably be a Bohemian Rhapsody ride at Disneyland at some point in the future. Well, the future is kind of now. This is what greets you on the other side of the tunnel when you get into your Bicycle Race inspired car, and you and your entire family are transported into the magical world of Queen!
Yeah, my wig’s just fine, girl. Thankfully, I have faith that Freddie Mercury’s legacy can withstand the petty insults of 2019.