The Kardashians Deny That Khloe Is In Talks To Be The Next Bachelorette

February 24, 2019 / Posted by:

That was fast. Before we could clean the panting hot breath marks and sticky palm prints off the inside of our car windows after hearing that Khloe Kardashian (in wax above) was “in contention” (AKA anywhere from completely fabricated to already inked), to be the next Bachelorette, the rumor has been shot down. According to Khloe’s Momager Kris Jenner and protective moral compass big sister Kim Kardashian, Khloe as the Bachelorette is a no go, which is a shame, since she clearly can not be trusted to swipe right on her own.

Yesterday Kim shot down the Bachelorette goss on Twitter, borrowing a phrase from her husband’s number 2 boyfriend (the first is Ricardo Tisci obvs) Donald Trump that the Khloe story is “fake fuking news big time!!!!“. I like how she put her own flair on the end with the “big time” and four exclamation points. Was there a Lisa Frank sticker in there somewhere that I missed?

This he-said/she-said is tricky because, well, it’s the Kartrashians first of all, and nothing can be taken at face value. Not even their faces, for that mater. But believing anything that comes out of the mouth of Bachelorette creator Mike Fleiss, sadly no relation to Heidi Fleiss, is also a fool’s errand. I mean, this is a guy that was once criminally charged for harassing Baywatch thespian David Charvet and his wife Brooke Burke over a pair of German Shepards, if you need a gauge on his homeostasis.

Mike then playground slapped back at Kim telling her to keep her huge red four square ball ass out of it, as it is between him, his “dear friend” Kris and Khloe only, SO THERE! Kim didn’t like that too much and must’ve had a little time on her hands, so she went out and got herself some backup receipts.

I thought the “K“s just replaced the “C“s, but it turns out that they just randomly through “K“s everywhere like loose cannons. The “Bachkorette” sounds like Mel’s Diner in hell where it is only staffed by Khloe as a shitty waitress and all the customers are slutty NBA bench riders vying for her affection. But that would never happen, because Khloe has too much “respeck” for herself. Is that just a speck of self-respect, because, yeah, that seems about right.

Unfortunately -grumble- it sounds like the Kartrashians have the upper hand on this one. But don’t give up on this story too quickly. Baby True’s first birthday is right around the corner and Khloe might need that Bachekorette ca-ching ca-ching to play Keeping Up With Stormi and her night terror of a circus freak show first birthday party. Before Khloe has to lose face and borrow the cash for her own cotton candy machine from her little billionaire sister, she might just have to take that Bachekorette check after all.


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