It wasn’t that long ago that Jennifer Lawrence was banging beige elevator music guitar hero Chris Martin before moving onto Darren Aronofsky (which I always saw as a bizarre setup, but the old timer seems to have no shortage of company of beautiful ladies, whether they deny it or not. That director dick must be good when he calls it to “Action“). Now America’s favorite farting/falling (farting while falling? I’ve heard that’s a thing) Sweetheart has taken the final step before locking her lady bits to one person forever by getting engaged to Cooke Maroney, an art dude from Gladstone Gallery, and she has a fat old rock on her lock down finger that proves it.
Here’s a thrilling pic of the ring:
Jennifer Lawrence Finally Reveals Engagement Ring from Cooke Maroney — and It's Huge https://t.co/gdeaP0SEtX
— People (@people) February 22, 2019
HuffPo says that JLaw’s ring is a “dazzling solitaire diamond“. I can’t tell if that statement is supposed to be read in the same aristocratic voice that people with real silver place settings use when they try to rhyme “razzle, dazzle & basil” together, but I’d like to believe as much.
Photographers snapped a picture of the Academy Award winner’s dazzling solitaire diamond while the actress was out with friends at a New York City restaurant Thursday night.
Alicia Davis of ShaneCo.com told HuffPost that the center stone of the diamond appears to be about 4 carats and worth an estimated $85,000.
Luckily for any future husbands of mine (I hear that they’re out there, somewhere, huddled en masse like cockroaches waiting for me to shine my iPhone flashlight on them), I have no concept of the value of fancy jewels, so that $85,000 figure does nothing for me.
There is also no news that Cooke ever proposed to anyone else with an almost exact replica of the same ring (cough, cough Orlando Bloom), so we can probably tack on an extra 3 months there. However, that Designer Imposter ring that Orlando gave to Katy Perry is worth between an estimated $300,000 to $6 million. Yes, that’s a wide net, but apparently it depends on if the stone is diamond or ruby. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS! So are we potentially saying that Cooke is cheap? Minus 1 year.
So… according to my Glendale Community College “I finished the lowest level of math I had to pass in order to obtain my AA” certificate, take the 5 months for paying for the ring himself + the 3 months for originality – 1 year for maybe being cheap – 12 months for knowing each other for less than a year + 3 months for him being a private Instagram account out of the limelight self-employed kind of guy… that brings their marriage shelf life to… negative 800 months? Okay, I am really bad at math, but I think this relationship could actually work out for them somehow. Hey, if Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have made it this long, ANYTHING is possible.