Hot Slut Of The Day!

For this Oscar-themed HSOTD, we’re going way, way, waaaaaaback into the olden days of 1938 (“Time goes back that far?” – millennials “Aaah, yes, I remember that year fondly since it’s the first year I got my AARP subscription.” – us old bitches) to honor a true masterful thief and scammer.

Many think that the Oscars is just one gigantic scam and a joke, and one bold ass bitch thought the same thing very early on, and straight-up stole an Oscar in front of everyone. At the 10th annual Oscars, the very first A Star Is Born was up for a bunch of awards (it won one), and old-timey actress Alice Brady got her second nomination for In Old Chicago. There’s a good reason for why Alice Brady looks like Kate McKinnon in Granny Moses drag. There’s also a good reason for why it looks like she’s thinking, “You motherfuckers, we’re probably the same age and I’m playing a goddamn prune cooch-having granny!” That’s because Alice was only in her mid-40s when she played a memaw. That makes sense, because back then, every Hollywood actress over 50 was taken out back and gently put down. Hollywood has since raised the age to 60. How kind of them.

Alice was laid up at home with a busted ankle (she died in 1939 from cancer), so she couldn’t make it to the ceremony at the Biltmore Hotel in Los Angeles on March 10. The legend goes that when she was announced as the Best Supporting Actress winner, the audience waited for her to accept her plaque (only lead actors got the little gold man), but a mysterious man appeared and accepted the award for her before disappearing. The Oscar thief was never caught, his identity was never found out, and Alice Brady’s original plaque is forever gone. But Wikipedia says that the Oscars people didn’t want to look like incompetent fuck-ups, so they told the public a lie!

However, according to press at the time the film’s director, Henry King, accepted on her behalf at the ceremony and friends of Ms. Brady delivered it to her home later that night.

Alice eventually got a replacement plaque. As for where Alice Brady’s plaque went, our posthumous Hot Slut either sold the metal to buy a flip phone (those came out in the 1930s, I believe) or he took it to his grave, literally, and was buried with it, because it was his greatest robbery.

And if Lady Gaga beats Glenn Close, Olivia Colman, or fuck, any of the other Best Actress nominees, everyone should get up and scream, “Not since Alice Brady has an Oscar been blatantly stolen like this!”

Pic: 20th Century Fox