Khloé Kardashian Is Allegedly “In Contention” To Be The Next “Bachelorette”

February 23, 2019 / Posted by:

Tragic newly single mom and crypt message poster Khloé Kardashian‘s recent romantic woes have supposedly made her a contender for The Bachelorette. At least that’s what The Bachelor/ette franchise creator Mike Fleiss wants you to believe. Fleiss obviously hasn’t considered the many reasons why Khloe, 34, could never be the next Bachelorette. One is that, upon hearing the news, every rose (including the plastic ones) on the planet said “fuck that noise” and shriveled into nothingness. So both series are canceled now because roses don’t exist anymore. Thanks for that, Khloé (no shade).

In a tweet yesterday, via Uss Weekly, Fleiss claimed that this is something Khloé and ABC are actually considering. If so, make ready for Orcus, God of Doom to rise from the netherverse and bring upon the end times due to the Kardashian and Bachelor franchises merging into one amorphous blob of television vapidity.

For those of you just logging back into life, Khloé’s wandering dick of a babydaddy Tristan Thompson allegedly cheated on her with Khloé’s sister Kylie Jenner’s best friend (and former model for Khloé’s clothing line) Jordyn Woods. Hence, Khloé and Tristan are over. This isn’t the first time NBA player Thompson has supposedly effed around on his lady. He’s infamous for supposedly cheating on her rubberized ass only a short time before she gave birth to their now 10-month-old daughter True in April of last year.

In another tweet, Fleiss admitted that this was all up to the woman who makes even the aforementioned Orcus, God of Doom cry in the shower. And he says he’s already kontacted the koven’s high priestess. (via People).

Kris Jenner must have been able to shelve her Hitachi Wand because this recent daughter drama has got to have given her one big moaning orgasm over the possible amounts of money, storylines and press mentions that this mess will snag her.

And as for the reasons this would never happen, one is that ABC probably can’t afford Kris Jenner’s fee to use a mare from her stable AND the cast of Modern Family AND Meredith Grey. Also, The Bachelor shows are traditionally verrrrry pale when it comes to casting and Kardashians seem to prefer NBA players and hip-hop artists. So Khloé would be on her hands and knees crawling about and trying to snuffle out where the network was hiding the more colorful dick and they probably don’t want to make Middle America uneasy.

As an alternative, there’s a “model” and “entrepreneur” who recently got an eviction notice from her landlady and could use a mansion to live in for the time being. She could also probably use a check if her gig as “Kylie Jenner’s best friend” is over. Mike Fleiss, meet Jordyn Woods.


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