Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 14, 2019 / Posted by:

The new epitome of gourmet romance: Olive Garden’s breadstick bouquet!

If you’re like me, then you’re probably practicing your “OH MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE HE DID THAT” scream in preparation of the arrival of the Valentine’s Day bouquet of flowers you had sent to yourself to make all your co-workers jealous (and I work alone… at home…. without co-workers… but I just love getting an annual “bitch, we both know you sent that shit to yourself” side-eye from my dog). But if you truly want to do outdo it in the romance department, cancel your flowers order, and instead Postmate a bouquet of Olive Garden breadsticks to your office. Every one of your co-workers will explode with jealousy as they break-up with their piece by text for not giving them the ultimate gift of romantic love.

The truth is, Olive Garden actually makes you do work for their breadstick bouquet. They ripped off an idea from The Knot and made downloadable and printable branded wrapping paper for your breadstick bouquet. The wrapping paper comes in 5 sayings:

  • Love at first bite
  • My love for you in never ending
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, here’s a bouquet of breadsticks I made for you
  • To have and to hold, and most importantly, to eat
  • We belong together like spaghetti and meatballs

They’re missing another one: Roses are red, violets are blue, you better put out, because I’m spending lots of money on you.

Once you print out that luxurious wrapping paper, you can take it down to the Olive Garden and they’ll use it to wrap a bunch of breadsticks to give to the trick you’re trying to impress. And you can impress them some more by ordering OG’s luxurious Valentine’s Day dinner-for-two special, which is made up of breadsticks with dipping sauce, soup or salad, ziti al forno or chicken alfredo, and dessert. You get all of that for two for $35.99.

If my piece took me to OG and gifted me with a bouquet that looked like 5 throbbing lubed-up uncut dicks, I’d tell him we should skip the $35.99 dinner. Because I’d immediately want to go home by myself and get on Grindr to get a 5 dick (plus me) orgy going.

Pics: Olive Garden

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