I’m still getting over the PTSD of scanning through Instagram yesterday and see how half of Hollywood was at Jennifer Aniston’s 50th birthday celebration. Not since Taylor Swift’s squad era has there been such a case of “How da FUQ are these people all friends?” Jen even made me shed a tear of petty pride after she went from “debating” inviting her ex-husband, Brad Pitt, to her birthday to actually having him there – all while he is in the middle of a nasty-ass divorce from Angelina Jolie! Don’t fret, Angelina, maybe y’all can ex-boo thang swap because Justin Theroux wasn’t at Jen’s party…even though he wished her a happy birthday yesterday.
Justin was not at Jen’s party to deal with a drunk Reese Witherspoon (when isn’t she?!). Justin and Jen split at the end of 2017, just in time for her to get a dramatic spread in Architecture Digest and for them to maintain they were friends who just happened to no longer want to be legally attached. I guess Justin still wants to spread that image:
Happy Birthday, Jen, from your loving ex-husband! Enjoy the unflattering undershot of your pits, pout, and steer horns. Ain’t 50 just dandy?! I would imagine Jen would be floored over something like that, but she told Elle in December she actually views her Justin marriage as a success…and even the Brad one:
“My marriages, they’ve been very successful, in [my] personal opinion. And when they came to an end, it was a choice that was made because we chose to be happy, and sometimes happiness doesn’t exist within that arrangement anymore.”
Sigh…I told myself the same thing when I had to give up Chick-fil-A for the less bigoted Popeyes three-piece bucket.