I didn’t even bat an eye when a couple of days ago on Celebrity Big Brother Dina Lohan admitted that she had never met her boyfriend of five years. Obviously Dina has a boyfriend of five years that she has never met or even FaceTimed with and is going to marry even though she has never once laid eyes on “him” (we don’t really know if he’s a he, do we?). This is Dina Lohan we are talking about and there is no end to the fuckery that she’s produced. Lucky for us, but not so much Dina, Catfish host (the one who isn’t leaving the show) Nev Schulman has raised his hand to play Captain Save-A-Ho and is offering to expose Dina’s “man” as a catfish fraud.
Nev probably popped a boner when all his friends starting texting him at once after Dina’s probable catfish admission came to light. He was quick to post his public plea to Dina on Twitter.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME. Let’s do this! https://t.co/USrGmMf4qO
— Nev Schulman (@NevSchulman) February 8, 2019
I WANNA FIND @DINALOHAN's "BOYFRIEND" SOOOOO BAD!
— Nev Schulman (@NevSchulman) February 10, 2019
Hopefully Dina can turn this situation around in her favor and as soon as she leaves the CBB house, she’ll go to the office of her lawyer (would that be Better Call Saul?) and scribble out the terms for her massive six digit appearance fee, which is $1,001.03 (ignore the decimal point). I’m guessing that Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club isn’t exactly keeping the lights on over at Chez Dina.
Dina needs to do some deep soul searching and find out if it’s really worth it to potentially lose the non-exiatant fake love of her life and threaten her maybe future engagement to this stranger in the faraway untouchable land of San Francisco, or seek justice (and a check) from the truth of exposing this probable catfish scam. WWJD is more like WSDD (What Should Dina D0)? Nev, get the cameras rolling to catch the emotional conflict now!
I have relatives in Arkansas that are into catfishing. Not the kind of cat fishing that Dina is probably caught up in, but the other kind of catching called “noodling“. No, “noodling” is not some cool sex thing that requires a unicorn, it’s when you wade into a muddy creek, find a hole along the bank, stick your arm in the hole and wiggle your fingers around hoping that a large ass catfish will chomp onto your arm. Then you make a fist and pull it to the surface and are declared a bad ass. Or you lose a finger. Either way.
I’ve always longed for a Catfish-noodling crossover, where Nev leads suspicious parties and their supposed internet beaus into the swamps and has them noodle it out to try to prove their romantic intentions are true. It’d be the hottest crossover since Blossom and The Fresh Prince rode in an elevator together. Dina and her “man” would be the perfect first contenders.