It was so cold in the Midwest this week that people died. No snark here, people friggin’ froze to death. Tragic shit that normally happens during doomed mountain climbing expeditions happened at rando places like the University of Iowa this week. That’s some scary stuff. This is why it was even more annoying when the little fur turd known as Punxsutawney Phil climbed out of his hole in the ground and signaled that spring was coming early this year. Hey, Phil? FUCK YOU.
Here’s Phil being the asshole that he is:
JUST IN: Punxsutawney Phil sees no shadow, predicts early spring. pic.twitter.com/BsMser58Rt
— NBC News (@NBCNews) February 2, 2019
Much like the rest of us, Twitter wasn’t having it since Phil is a shit head and wrong a lot.
Groundhog says early Spring.
I don’t know if I can trust him. pic.twitter.com/PMGj3tTIXR
— Casey Wheeless (@WVLTCasey) February 2, 2019
Love to live in the United States, where people will trust a groundhog to predict the weather but won't trust 97 percent of climate scientists
— Delak (@Delak_Iloth) February 2, 2019
Did you know that dumbass Phil has a seemingly much brighter rival? Shubenacadie Sam in Nova Scotia saw his shadow today and predicted winter isn’t done.
Sam should feel free to apply for Phil’s job because Phil needs to be put out to groundhog pasture. And yet, I’d still trust a wild animal marketing ploy for tourism dollars than I would an “embarrassing fucking moron”when it comes to climate matters.