The petty and ugly (pegly?) custody battle between Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally came to an end, for now, last month. But before the pile of broken glass from the fallen Brangelina crystal kingdom gets swept into the dust bin forever (aka their divorce is finalized), they have to figure out other shit, like money. It was rumored that Angie, whose net worth is $160 million according to the internet, wanted money from Brad, whose net worth is $240 million according to the internet, because she’s having cash issues. Team Brad and everyone else laughed at Angie smearing dirt on her face and shaking wooden coins out of her Louis Vuitton change purse, but maybe she really is broke. I mean, she was spotted trying to make ends meet by selling dog treats at a dog park! Okay, her kids were selling the treats, and it was for a dog charity, but let’s go with it anyway.
Actress Sarah Ramos from Parenthood and American Dreams posted on Instagram yesterday (via The Blast) about how two months ago, she was at a dog park in Los Angeles when she spotted a scene that’ll make you ask yourself, “Are the effects of the edible I had yesterday making an encore appearance in my brain?” Because she saw St. Angie, Shiloh, and the chosen twins selling organic dog treats at a dog park with the money going to an animal rescue organization.
First there was Suri Cruise selling lemonade at NYC Gay Pride. Now half of the child army is selling organic dog treats at a dog park. Next up is Blue Ivy Carter selling organic vegan sparkling aguas fresca in the VIP’s VIP section at Coachella.
Sarah’s dog is looking at her like, “Stop with that slick posing shit and take me over there so I can meet THEE Jacques Jolie-Pitt’s family!”
As for why there’s not a 10,000-person line waiting to get their hands on organic dog treats made by the Brangelina child army, I’m guessing it’s because it’s Los Angeles and their sign doesn’t read:
Any fucking kind of sweetener-free
Tweeted about by Chrissy Teigen
I wish I knew about the Child Army Dog Treats, because I definitely would’ve bought some. My old ass dog has cataracts, a chronic cough, and fucked-up joints, and all of his ailments would be miraculously cured just by sniffing a treat blessed by the holy family. Those treats would’ve rebuked the ills out of him!