Pottermore Says That Wizards Used To Just Shit On The Floor At Hogwarts
Harry Potter fans just can’t let the series rest, and as long as author J.K. Rowling is alive, they will harass her for any scrap of wizarding info she can throw down their thirsty muggle throats. On the Harry Potter fan site Pottermore, fans got a bit more than they bargained yesterday, on National Trivia Day, when it was revealed that before Hogwarts had plumbing, wizards used to shit and pee wherever they were standing and then vanish the evidence with magic. 99% of Harry Potter fans are disgusted by this news. The other 1% just started their own special Harry Potter fan site for wannabe wizard nerds that are also into anachronistic poop play.
In a passage called Chamber of Secrets, J.K. forced out this juicy nugget:
When first created, the Chamber was accessed through a concealed trapdoor and a series of magical tunnels. However, when Hogwarts’ plumbing became more elaborate in the eighteenth century (this was a rare instance of wizards copying Muggles, because hitherto they simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence), the entrance to the Chamber was threatened, being located on the site of a proposed bathroom.
I think J.K. just outed herself as a scat queen! For those of you proud few holdouts who have never ventured into the franchise, Chamber of Secrets is the title of the second installment, but further book printings may as well be renamed “Chamber Pot of Secrets”, as all anyone will be able to think of now is poop.
Some fans wish that J.K. held this info in, or at the very least, wiped it away (front to back) immediately:
Harry Potter fans: it’d be cool if we had some Harry Potter trivia
JK Rowling: dumbledore is gay
HPF: haha cool
JK: they often have mutual masturbation sessions in the hufflepuff dormitories
HPF: what
JK: everyone used to shit themselves— Calum McSwiggan (@CalumMcSwiggan) January 5, 2019
— Eksys (@EksysMatiq) January 5, 2019
Exactly!!! Why pic.twitter.com/b0sX4UhgVl
— ~Mary Poopins ?? (@DesiMaryPoopinz) January 5, 2019
— Amy Jane (@heyamyjane) January 5, 2019
Practically speaking, how much magic would it take for a Hagrid-sized giant to make his pile disappear versus the deer pellets of a little Dobby sized house-elf? And what about First Year students with less adept magic? Is there a Scat Disappearing Committee on hand to clean up after them?
What will J.K. reveal next on Pottermore? That WASPy wizards held communal enema sessions in the Forbidden Forest lest they have to shit in public within Hogwarts? Don’t even get me started on the Hot Carl practices of the fecalty, I mean, faculty.
Pic: Warner Bros.