Here lies Louis C.K. The once popular, rich, and creatively fulfilled comedian’s career can finally be put to rest (God willing). He is survived by his children who probably already hate him, and possibly, Sarah Silverman. He leaves behind a tarnished legacy primarily comprised of hack masturbation jokes and 2 million unboxed DVDs of I Love You, Daddy moldering away in a some storage shed in Queens. Services are being held on Twitter.
The cause of death was leaked audio of a comedy set Louis did on December 16th that proved he is still the spiteful, petulant, narcissist hack he always was. Because Louis, a grown man, has had his feelings hurt, he’s taking it out on the children who survived the Parkland shooting, and young people who dare ask people to address them using their correct pronouns. Yes, it was a questionable choice of material. But worst of all, none of it was funny in the least.
You can listen to his set here. Personally, I’d rather be blinded by a surprise load of bitter ginger jizz than ever listen to Louis C.K. again, so I’ll add some transcription as well.
Louis was in full cane-shaking, crank mode and repeatedly, and seemingly without an ounce of self-awareness or irony, referred to the surviving Parkland High School students as “these kids” when he came for them. These kids you see, they’re uppity! *shakes fist* (via Rolling Stone):
“They testify in front of Congress, these kids? What are they doing? You’re young, you should be crazy, you should be unhinged, not in a suit … you’re not interesting. Because you went to a high school where kids got shot? Why does that mean I have to listen to you? … You didn’t get shot, you pushed some fat kid in the way, and now I’ve got to listen to you talking?”
C.K. continued, “Everybody gets upset when there’s a shooting at a high school, I don’t see why it’s worse than anybody else dying, I don’t.”
I guess Louis is greasy, toothless, bowlegged, old-timey prospector now, mining the comments section of Fox News for comedy gold. He went on to add:
The comedian also said of LBGTQ teens, “They tell you what to call them – ‘You should address me as they, them, because I identify as gender neutral.’ Oh okay, okay. ‘You should address me as there, because I identify as a location, and the location is your mother’s cunt.”
It’s kind of amazing really that he really squandered any remaining chance at a legitimate career on a “your mom’s a cunt” joke. A joke that doesn’t work on ant level! It boggles the mind. What a legacy.