Kevin Spacey Is Trying To Get Out Of Going To Court

December 31, 2018 / Posted by:


Kevin Spacey is still trying to prove to us he isn’t scum by making some creepy, ill-advised rounds in the aftermath of his sexual harassment allegations. On Christmas Eve, Kevin became Santa’s least favorite Ho when he slipped into a festive apron to address the allegations in character as his House of Card character Frank Underwood on YouTube, and all that did was make me think of what Colonel Sanders would sound like if he was accused of molesting his chickens. In other words; No Kevin. So how does one follow up a significant failure such as that one? By delivering pizza the the paps! What he should’ve done is deliver a thank you pizza to Louis C.K. instead.

TMZ reports that Kevin is hiding out in Baltimore ahead of his arraingment. While there, he’s being watched by paps who are waiting to jump on him like how he wanted to jump on the piece he allegedly assaulted. So, in his attempt to take the high road Kevin delivered a Domino’s pizza to one of the paps with a positive message, telling him he appreciates what he does while also telling him to stay warm and have a Happy New Year.

Kevin you lose points with me because you chose Domino’s over Pizza Hut, you cheap bitch. This is almost like giving out lukewarm Ellio’s pizza on a styrofoam plate. And even after Kevin’s sad delivery, another pap ran up on him trying to get some dirt about the case, but Kevin sped off. Probably had another delivery to make.

I wish the story ended here and Kevin found happiness as a delivery man who keeps his paws to himself, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. TMZ also reports that Kevin has decided he’s not going to appear in court at all to plead not guilty to the charges.

Spacey’s lawyers filed legal docs Monday, which includes a declaration from the actor, saying he does not want to appear at his arraignment for allegedly groping an 18-year-old male in a Nantucket, Massachusetts bar.

Spacey says his presence would “amplify the negative publicity already generated in connection with the case.”

The judge has yet to rule on this request, with his lawyers stating his presence might bring “prejudicial media interest” which may taint the process of jury selection. Kevin also states that, since he lives out of state, it’s way too far for him to get there and enter a plea deal. Really dude? Too far? The shit’s not taking place on the moon. The court needs to deliver a Domino’s pizza with a slathering of Bitch Please to Kevin.

UPDATE: The judge denied him, so Kevin will have to go to court.



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