You know that saying about how you can’t get blood from a stone or water from a rock, or whatever? (Some of you whores may have thought of that saying while breaking your hand bones from spending way too long trying to get jizz out of a Viagra-made boner.) I thought of that saying while watching Cher squirt out tears, because I thought the stunning goddess molded out of plasticine had her tear ducts filled with Botox years ago. But I guess the magical power of Adam Lambert’s voice made the impossible happen.
The Kennedy Center Honors (not to be confused with my favorite kind of honors, The Kennedy Davenport Honors) happened earlier this month, but it aired on CBS last night. The moment that is making the rounds is when Freddie Mercury’s Wednesday matinee understudy cooed out an easy listening rendition of Cher’s biggest hit Believe. Besides Cher’s eyes releasing tears of sparkling beauty as though she just heard the words, “Trump’s been impeached,” my favorite part is at the 1:22 mark when Glamberace pulls out his ear monitor. You know a singer is about to drop some dramatic shit on you when they pull out their ear monitor. (Tip: Whenever you’re doing karaoke and are about to hit a high note while singing your song of choice, pull out an imaginary ear monitor and watch the bitches tip over.)
Okay, I changed my mind. My favorite part starts at the 2:17 mark when he lets out two theatrical gasps while looking up. My guess is that the first gasp came from his mind being blown over his own angelic voice, and the second came from him seeing the face of God, and yes by the face of God I mean Cher in the balcony.