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December 26, 2018 / Posted by:

THE QUEEN’S modest and demure gold piano!

After church on Christmas Day, THE QUEEN definitely put an end to the feuding Duchesses and feuding Princes by hosting an oil wrestling match between them and taking bets from the other royals as those tricks scratched at each other’s oiled-up bodies (and yes, I wrote that scene just so I could picture Prince Hot Ginge’s freckled oiled-up nipples glistening from the fireplace glow as he puts Prince William in a headlock). But before hosting that wrestling match, THE QUEEN worked hard for the taxpayers’ money by preaching about peace and respecting one another in her annual Christmas speech. And THE QUEEN did it in a room that was so opulent, it’s what you would see if you examined one of Harald Glööckler’s farts under a microscope.

The star of the room that looks like it was furiously humped on by Midas was the little, homely piano in back of THE QUEEN. Because THE QUEEN was sitting on a gold chair, in front of a gold piano, the peasants slapped her down for being out of touch by lecturing England on being nicer while sitting on a golden throne in her golden palace. Saying that THE QUEEN is out of touch is like saying that I’m a dumb bitch. It’s the DUHest of DUHs, and I’m sure that THE QUEEN has “Out Of Touch And Proud” tattooed on her royal nalgas. In gold ink, of course.

The Mirror says that the piano is an heirloom from Queen Victoria’s reign.

Yes that stunningly tacky gold piano would even make Liberace say, “Tone it down, bitch,” but many on Twitter said that it’s probably owned by all Britons and the royal family is just using it. So I guess THE QUEEN is just like us after all, only instead of never returning the sofa she “borrowed” from her mom after getting her first apartment, she’s never returning the gold piano she’s using.

And on top of that, the haters don’t seem to get that THE QUEEN was trying to be respectful to those struggling to pay bills. I mean, she gave the speech in her casual sun room in front of her casual daytime piano. What more do the people want?!

Pic: YouTube

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