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December 21, 2018 / Posted by:

The Toledo Christmas Weed!

The people of Toledo, Ohio busted out the green holiday reboot of the heartwarming abandoned couch tale by showering a lonely, orphan weed with some Christmas love. And before you Toledo stoners try to track that weed down so you can smoke it up, it’s not that kind of weed. Although, if I lived in Toledo, I’d still try to smoke it, garland and all. Hmm… I wonder if garland takes your high to another level, or if it just puts you in the hospital where the nurses will get a funny story about the dumb fuck stoner who nearly shredded his lungs from smoking garland? Probably the second one.

NPR says that this Hallmark movie shit started earlier this month when a family decided to burp up the holiday spirit on a giant weed they always drove past while making their way to church.¬†Alyssa Emrick says the weed reminded her dad of Charlie Brown’s malnourished sad Christmas tree, so he decided to glam it up by throwing some tinsel on it. That’s all they did and kept driving on.

That tinsel inspired others to add decorations, and it wasn’t long before the lonely weed was covered in Christmas cheeriness. It has now become a symbol of the holiday spirit and a mecca for do gooders:

Charitable donations began piling up, including warm clothing, blankets and nonperishable food items for the less fortunate.

By Wednesday, the city had installed official bins that will remain through Christmas just to contain the contributions.

A costumed Santa and an elf were also in place on Wednesday, waving at traffic.

A T-shirt is in the works, Emrick says, with some proceeds set to go toward Cherry Street Mission Ministries, a Toledo-based charity.

Of course, some Grinch-hearted pieces of trash have tried to ruin things by ripping off some of the weed’s branches, but it still lives! Although, it won’t live for long, because Boy Scouts will murder it on New Year’s. They will remove all the decorations and pull out the weed.

Okay, so a STAR has pretty much sprouted from the sidewalk cracks in Toledo, and has become the biggest and greatest thing to ever happen there, and they’re murdering it?! They should build a bulletproof wall around it, and give it monument status. Because isn’t Toledo sick of being known as the hometown of Katie Holmes and want to upgrade to being known as the hometown of the Christmas Weed?!

Pic: @ToledoPolice

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