The Christmas Dragons who made neighbors shit out flames of rage!
Fantasy writer Diana Rowland decorates the front lawn of her house in Louisiana with a flock of dragons (which is the name of my heavy metal goth-ified Flock of Seagulls cover band) for Halloween. Diana and her husband loved ’em so much that they slapped some Santa hats and garland on their dragons and brought them out for the holiday season. They’ve been doing this for a minute and nobody has cared until this year. You would think that the answer to the question, “Who doesn’t love an inflatable lawn dragon in a Santa hat?” would be: No one. But apparently, that’s not the case.
One of Diana’s passive aggressive neighbors slipped her an anonymous ALL-CAPS typed note about how her Christmas dragons were destroying Jesus. If the note included, “DOARK-SIDED,” “UNGODLY,” “GORGYLES,” and “YOU ARE NOT A CHRIIIIIISTIIIAAAAN,” I’d tell God Warrior to calm down.
“YOUR DRAGON DISPLAY IS ONLY MARGINALLY ACCEPTABLE AT HALLOWEEN. IT IS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE AT CHRISTMAS. IT MAKES YOUR NEIGHBORS WONDER IF YOU ARE INVOLVED IN A DEMONIC CULT. PLEASE CONSIDER REMOVING THE DRAGONS. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HELP YOU TO KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS.”
Our dragon holiday display got fan mail! (And apparently the "true meaning of Christmas" involves judgmental bullshit?) ? pic.twitter.com/7NLZKkEW2x
— Diana Rowland (@dianarowland) December 15, 2018
Diana responded in the best and only way to respond: she fucked with her neighbors’ nerves even more by adding more members to her inflatable dragon cult.
An update to yesterday's tweet re the letter I received from an anonymous, judgy-mcjudgyface neighbor who disapproved of my dragon display and asked me to consider removing them: I have added more dragons. pic.twitter.com/OxsFQs5yQ1
— Diana Rowland (@dianarowland) December 16, 2018
Diana has gotten love for her Christmas dragons from all over the world, and strangely enough, her War on Christmas warrior neighbor hasn’t taken a holy water-doused shank to her Christmas dragons yet.
?? Deck the halls with… Christmas dragons? ?? Diana Rowland joins us on #CheddarBigNews to chat about her unique lawn decorations & what happened when a neighbor anonymously complained about them. pic.twitter.com/GUJxQJMLLJ
— Cheddar Big News (@CheddarBigNews) December 20, 2018
I take back what I said about Diana doing the right thing. What IS the right thing is to do one dragon up like Mary, one like Joseph, one like the Baby Jesus, and three like the Wisemen! Then grab a bag of red and green-colored popcorn, pull up a lawn chair, and watch the neighbor’s head fly through the sky in a rage.