Harvey Weinstein, the giant lump of shit who became a movie mogul, has been trying to get out of facing trial for sexual assault in NYC, and I’m surprised his team of lawyers didn’t argue that only a human can be tried for something and Harvey’s technically a giant lump of shit. But CNN says that today in court, Judge James Burke sided with the prosecution and dropped a wet judicial fart on Team Harvey’s dismissal request. Harvey Weinstein is actually going to trial for rape. First, Bill Cosby goes from alleged rapist to rapist rapist, and now Harvey is one step closer to moving into a prison cell. I see 2018 winking at us like, “See, bitch, I’m not that bad.”
Women of the #MeToo movement, like Marisa Tomei, Amber Tamblyn, Kathy Najimy, Lisa Borders, and Jennifer Esposito were all in court today to watch as the judge delivered a holiday gift to humanity by refusing Team Harvey’s request to dismiss all remaining charges and hold evidentiary hearings on whether certain witnesses can testify. Harvey has to be back in court on March 7.
Harvey has already pleaded not guilty to five felony charges, including rape and predatory sexual assault. The case involves two unnamed victims. If found guilty, he could get life in the clink. He’s currently out in the wild on $1 million bail.
Harvey’s lawyers are accusing detectives of acting shady by pressuring one of his accusers to delete messages on her phone, and telling a potential witness to keep her doubts about the allegations against him to herself. That witness never ended up testifying in the grand jury and prosecutors say his accuser never deleted anything from her phone. Still, prosecutors dropped on charge against Harvey in October.
After today’s ruling, Gloria Allred, who represents one of the accusers, told reporters that she thinks the case against him is strong:
“This indictment was based on evidence and testimony before the grand jury,” she said upon leaving court. “It was not based on the #MeToo movement. So, let’s be clear about that.”
If Harvey actually gets found guilty, that’ll be one down, and ten million five hundred billion to go. And if Harvey does actually go to prison, he’ll probably have a giant target on his wet turd of a back, and so he’ll have to disguise himself as a potted plant. That’ll be really confusing for him, because he’ll have to fight the urge to jack off onto himself.