Shakira has learned the hard way that Wherever, Whenever you are, the Tax Man will catch up to you, squeeze you upside-down in his death grip, and shake every last penny out of your turned out pockets if you try to fuck with them. The Spanish Tax Authority has Shakira over a barrel and says she owes them over $16.3 million in back taxes after investigating her for over a year. I’d be ecstatic to have to pay $16.3 million in taxes if it meant that I made a bazillion taxable dollars. I’m just going to sit on that for a moment and curse my life choices as I finish cutting grocery coupons and crying over my Costco brand coffee.
As posted here in January, Shakira claimed not be a resident of Spain for a three year period between 2012-2015. She previously claimed to live in the Bahamas, which is considered a “friendly-tax” nation. Shakira officially changed her residence to Spain in 2015, but the government wants their cash.
According to Forbes, Shakira needs to show the receipts to prove that she didn’t stay in Spain for a day over six months each year to avoid paying up. That’s going to be a little challenging, since she’s been playing house with Spanish footballer Gerard Piqué and popping out his babies since 2010. The tax authority can easily prove that she didn’t set foot in the Bahamas for any of those years, but they are having a harder time proving she was in Spain for more than six months, so they have turned into stalkers:
The investigation has been ongoing for more than a year. As part of their efforts to establish residency, tax investigators followed the singer to places she frequented, like her hairdresser. They also tracked Shakira’s activity on social networks like Instagram, where the singer has more than 55 million followers.
Instagram stalking is amateur hour, but following her to the hairdresser? Damn, Gina, she should get a restraining order against them! FYI, the amount she is now said to owe is in addition to the over $22.6 million that she already paid Spain to settle part of her alleged bill (while somehow not technically admitting that she owed anything). I guess she thought that would get her off the hook, but the Tax Man tasted blood and wanted flesh.
Luckily for Shakira, that Waka Waka (this Is Africa) World Cup mess of a song came before all this tax evasion business. Since the Tax Man’s already Shakira reaching for her wallet, I was going to head an Erin Brockovich class action lawsuit for the murder that was committed upon the general public by that anthem. The only good thing to come out of that song is that Shakira met her man filming the video. Gerard is obviously packing major heat (he is) for Shakira to abandon her Bahamas tax free residency status and throw her millions of doubloons to Spain. That footballer dick must be pure gold.