Quentin Tarantino Is Getting Married Tonight

November 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your last opportunity to palm your pole, buff your bean, mush your mound, manipulate your manhood, or pound your pubis to a picture of Quentin Tarantino as a single man! That’s right, it’s time to put those Cousin Lurch fantasies to bed because Quentin’s getting married – TONIGHT!

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Hollywood’s hottest 55-year-old lantern jawed golem is set to marry Israeli singer/model Daniella Pick in a ceremony in Los Angeles this evening, per the Israeli media. And the bride-to-be recently posted a series of Instagram stories from her bridal shower. Although she’s 35-years old, she’s got the look of a much younger woman, thanks to the liberal application of filters.

Nope, nothing basic about this Queen. She’s got Quentin wrapped around her little toe, and he’s all hers! I wonder how many filters it would take to make Quentin’s face glow like that? I think the most efficient way would be to build a really, really big one, and launch it into space directly over the sun. That might soften his look a bit. I said might.

Quentin and Daniella met in 2009 when he was in Israel doing promotion for Inglorious Bastards. They broke up when Quentin decided he had to “sacrifice his personal life” for his art. However, the two reconnected in 2016 and their engagement was announced in July of 2017. Now, what else is there left to say except, “She Ready“.

This will be QT’s first marriage.

So that’s it, folks. Quentin’s about to be off the market for good. I wonder if practically engaged Leo and his Once Upon a Time in Hollywood co-stars were be invited to the wedding. We’ll have to check Lena Dunham’s Instagram page tomorrow to find out. I already did it once this week and am still recovering so… do I have any volunteers?

Pic: Wenn.com

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