Open Post: Hosted By The $8.2 Million Gender Reveal Party

November 27, 2018 / Posted by:

Oh, gender reveals have come a long way… When I was a kid, a gender reveal involved the doctor pulling the baby out of the mom’s vagina and proclaiming, “It’s got a [insert the name of the genitals it’s got here]!” But nowadays, gender reveals are over-the-top extra (see: the one co-starring Bill Murray), and a gender reveal that went down on April 23, 2017 in Arizona cost over $8 million. Although, it wasn’t supposed to cost more than the price of a bullet, construction paper, Tannerite (aka some explosive shit), hay, and blue dust. It cost over $8 million because it started a gigantic wildfire. What a perfect gender reveal if you know you’re giving birth to a Firestarter.

U.S. Forest Service gave the Arizona Daily Star of a pyromaniac’s dream gender reveal. In the video that was recorded on state land in the Santa Rita Mountain foothills (which is about 40 miles from Tucson, AZ), we see a target with the words “boy or girl” written on it. The plan was for the daddy to shoot the target, which would make it explode, sending blue smoke in the air. That was his and the mom’s way of letting everyone know they were expecting a boy. But the thing about explosives and dry grass is that when they touch, nothing good happens. Once everyone saw the flames, they probably thought to themselves, “Wait, you’re having a Hot Ginge?” And once they realized what was really going on, they ran out of there. No, the people aren’t block people. They were censored to protect their own stupidity.

Fire and smoke overtaking blue smoke. This could be a performance art piece from Rush Limbaugh about FEMINAZIS!!!!!!!!!

The fire spread across 47,000 acres. It cost $8.2 million in damages and took nearly 800 firefighters to put it out. A U.S. Border Patrol agent named Dennis Dickey (DICKEY!) was named as father and mastermind behind this mess. Dennis Dickey took a plea deal. He pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in exchange for five years’ probation and $220,000 in restitution. He agreed to pay $100,000 upfront and then will make monthly payments after that.

So if you live in Tucson and order UberEats, and a baby in a baby walker pulls up with your food, throw the delivery baby a sympathetic, “Sorry to learn that your dad is Dennis Dickey and you gotta do this to pay for his dumbness,” look.

Pic: YouTube

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