I Didn’t Know That Mary Kay Letourneau Was A Writer On The “Sex And The City 3” Movie

The Samantha Jones we know and love hates children, and so she would never text with a kid, and she would definitely never sext with one. But if Satan got his way and the Sex and the City 3 movie was made and came out, we’d see Miranda Hobbes’ now 14-year-old son Brady, who looks like this now (and strangely enough he looks like the ginger love child of Cynthia Nixon and Rojo Caliente), sending dick pics to Samantha. Samantha looking at child porn sent to her by a teenager she knew as a kid gets 5 out of 5 Not Amused While Drinking Wine Samanths from me:

We already know that Mr. Big was going to be killed off in the SATC3 movie, and because of that, Kim Cattrall didn’t want to be in a movie where it’s once again all about Carrie crying, whining and being annoying about something Big-related. Kim didn’t want to be in Crying and the Carrie. We also heard that Kim was in talks to do the third movie, but wanted more money and didn’t like where the writers and her nemesis Sarah Jessica Parker were taking Samantha Jones. Well, a source tells E! News that one of the places they were taking Samantha Jones was to PedoBearVille.

A source says that the script wasn’t even worthy of being used to pick up the turds pushed out by Samantha’s dog (played to perfection by Gidget). Samantha’s storyline involved 14-year-old Brady and also involved him tainting her phone with some ILLEGALNESS!

“It was a bad script,” the source puts it simply.

What made the script so bad you may ask? Well, for starters, Samantha’s “main storyline” revolved around her and Miranda’s 14-year-old son Brady. Early in the film, Brady gets caught masturbating. He is also caught sending “dick pics” of his erect penis to Samantha.

So I guess making Samantha Jones obnoxiously run around half-naked and horny in a Muslim country wasn’t enough…

Sarah Jessica Parker once said that she can’t imagine doing SATC without Kim and made it sound like she doesn’t hate her. I believe that SJP doesn’t want to do an SATC movie without Kim, because she lives to terrorize Kim by slowly destroying Samantha Jones. I bet that if Kim refused to do that child porn scene, SJP would give in and tell her that they’ll replace that scene with a scene where Samantha goes to the White House to visit her old pals Donald and Melania Trump and their visit leads to Samantha and Melania pissing on each other in front of Trump while wearing Obama and Hillary masks. “Is that better, bitch?” is what SJP would ask.

Pic: HBO