The first red carpet premiere of Aquaman happened yesterday in London. The first reviews of Aquaman have actually been pretty good, which is nice for DC Films and Warner Bros., because anything that helps people forget about the turd titled Justice League is no doubt much appreciated. Sadly that’s where the good reviews end, and the shady ones begin. And I’m of course talking about the couture swim cap Amber Heard wore to the premiere yesterday.
Vogue says that Amber’s swim cap and gown are from Valentino’s Fall 2018 Haute Couture collection. I’m glad Vogue did such important research. Because had they not, I probably would have said that Amber’s swim cap came from the bottom drawer of your granny’s dresser, right behind the tummy-taming Miraclesuit that she wears to her weekly aquarobics class. I used to be a swimmer (a twisted ankle while babysitting took me out), and Amber’s cap is giving me major flashbacks. My swimcap was that exact shade of green, and it tore at least 20% of my hair out with it whenever I took it off. I’m still haunted by the smell of chlorine and rubber and Herbal Essence (shudders).
At least Amber tried to keep it aquatic. Jason Momoa, the titular Aquaman, looks like he stopped by the premiere on his way to test drive some motorcycles.
That’s probably why they gave him that prop trident. And if they didn’t have that lying around, they could have given him a wall-mounted fish. Just anything to counteract his jacket and pants that scream: “Water? No thanks, I haven’t treated this leather yet and I don’t want to damage it.” If he needed to show up in an all-black cool dude suit, the least he could have done was decorate with a starfish. There’s no way the real Aquaman goes a day without picking one of those out of his beard.
Here’s more from the UK premiere of Aquaman, including Patrick Wilson looking like a high school math teacher who got lost on his way to class.