Nicole Kidman is featured in this month’s issue of Allure, and the reporter took her to the most exotic of settings for their interview: a wine bar in a Nashville strip mall. How romantic! It’s kind of the standard shit as far as Nicole interviews go: she’s beautiful, she has porcelain skin, and she has four children (I guess we’re recognizing the first two this month). There’s always one out-of-touch dime in a celebrity interview, and this one has Nicole trying to say she isn’t actually a movie star or a celebrity.
According to Nicole, that label is apparently reserved solely for the Beyoncé’s of the world (ok yes, maybe “movie star” also doesn’t apply to Beyoncé either, but you know what I mean). But even if Nicole believes she’s not a larger-than-life celebrity, Allure seems to think she is. Take this anecdote about Nicole’s journey through said strip mall wine bar, for example:
Arms rigidly pressed to her sides, posture geometrically perfect, she moves at the pace of one step every two seconds, like a local deity blessing onlookers with her presence and some scattered eye contact. When Kidman says hello to the gossipmonger near us, the woman doesn’t say anything, focusing all of her energy on not imploding. She can’t eke out a single syllable while beholding Nicole Kidman, queen of 360 Bistro, empress of this West Nashville strip mall, acclaimed actor, gazelle on two legs, moving glacially about the wine bar.
Save the fashion week strut for the aisles at Costco, Nic – they’re wide and far more conducive for things like that!
“I don’t see myself as a celebrity…I’m not a celebrity…I’m not a movie star. I feel like I’m an actor. Beyoncé is a celebrity. And that’s a much bigger thing.”
Nicole tried to say she’s “more niche” than being a celebrity. I’d say that overpriced Chanel commercial she did a few years ago begs to differ. Plus, what Nicole doesn’t seem to realize is that she’s done everything a true celebrity is supposed to do. Date multiple musicians? Check. Have a stint with Scientology? Check. Feign outrage when someone has the audacity to ask a perfectly normal question about wig preference? Check check!