Adriana Lima Has Stomped Her Last Catwalk As A Victoria’s Secret Angel

November 9, 2018 / Posted by:

I had always assumed, naively perhaps, that as celestial creatures, angels were immortal. According to People, that is untrue! Angels do age and instead of living for centuries, as art, literature, and the bible might suggest, the average lifespan of an Angel is just shy of 40 years. After that, they have to give up their wings and live the rest of their miserable lives as mere mortals. One such Angel on the precipice of losing her divinity as a Victoria’s Secret Angel is Adriana Lima. She’s made the brave choice to retire at the age of 37, after 20 years and 18 VS fashion shows.

The Brazilian with a Brazilian, shared her retirement news by posting a highlight reel of tenure as an Angel on Instagram.

Adriana also did her last sashay at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, which taped in NYC last night.

As an Angel ages, her panties continue to grow. The material softens and loosens and goes from a stiff polyester lace, to a forgiving, baggy cotton. The Angel must retire before they reach “granny panty” age. Additionally, the Angel starts to get “chilly” more frequently and she finds herself taking her bra off (which begins to shed rhinestones at an alarming rate) as soon as she walks in the door to her abode. The aged Angel can no longer wear high heels and has trouble supporting the weight of her wings, taking on an unbecoming hunched form, unsuitable for the runway.

Adriana, who has in the past objected to gratuitous nudity, will be spending her earthbound days working on “different projects which support women around the world”. I’m sure she’ll be more specific as she learns to walk again.

As a senior angel, Adriana is “seen by the rest of the VS model squad as The Guardian Angel”, which is better than calling her Angel In Chief. Were you aware that each senior angle gets her own special designation? For example, Tyra Banks is Special Angel, and Naomi Campbell Hell’s Angel. These titles are for life, except for the coveted Dicaprio Angel title with is given to the youngest incoming Angel.

Adriana never tasted glory as The Dicaprio Angel, but did taste something by allegedly dating Justin Bieber and Ryan Seacrest which, if you mix them together, become a passable Dicaprio facsimile. However, at the time of this posting, Adriana has worn the coveted Fantasy Bra (AKA the Million Dollar Bra) three times, so she’ll always have that. Duchess Kate wishes she could.

Adriana said that last night’s show will be the highlight of her career. She still loves the rush and gets nervous like its the first time, every time. Adriana says this year was to be the most diverse ever with 8 musicians, and 60 angels “from all over the world” walking the runway. She added:

“I am looking forward to seeing Rita Ora — I am such a big fan. She is such a great musician. Besides that she is a beautiful, sweet kind person.”

Wait. I’m sorry, who?

Here’s more pics from last night’s show:


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