George Clooney Is Forced To Auction Off His Motorcycle By His Hysterical Wife

November 6, 2018 / Posted by:

If you play your cards right, and are very wealthy, you could be the proud owner of George Clooney’s mid-life crisis Harley Davidson. Clooney’s practically new 2017 hog is one of the items listed in a celebrity auction that, if you believe the listing, Amal Clooney is making him participate in because he’s banned from riding motorcycles after his July scooter accident. And thank God for her. Grown men can never, ever make a sensible decision all by themselves you see, they need to be nagged!

The bike sale will benefit a charity called Homes For Our Troops, an organization that helps build custom, adaptive houses for US Military Veterans. All items are listed on eBay and the auction is part of an annual Veterans Day celebration. Here’s your chance to buy one of George’s balls in a jar!

Ever since George Clooney’s motorcycle accident, his wife Amal has told him he’s off two wheels for good. George just bought a brand new dresser Harley with only 25 MILES ON THE ODOMETER!— all yours if you win the bidding. You’re responsible for pickup in Los Angeles. George will even sign it for you!!!

George seems like a collector so this Harley can’t be the only bike in his collection. I wonder what he’s going to do with the rest of his motorcycles. Maybe he’ll give them a crew gifts on his next Nespresso shoot. Speaking of which, they must have his balls in a vice too. Why does he do those!? As rich as he is, there is no reasonable explanation other than blackmail.

There are a few other auction items I’d be more interested in than George Clooney’s death trap. One of the items is lunch for two with Paul Rudd and CNN Anchor Jake Trapper. If I won that one I’d march up to the table and be all “Beat it, Jake! Paul and I have grown folks business to conduct”. Sadly, the bidding starts at $1,575 and requires you pass a background check, so I’m out.

The only thing I could afford is the “cast and crew jacket” from the movie Into The Wild signed by Sean Penn and Emile Hirsch. Clearly you don’t need to pass a background check to donate an item. The opening bid for the Penn/Hirsch is $11.61 *sad trombone*.


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