Well y’all, it’s time to officially get the judge involved in the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt divorce saga. And, bitch, what a saga it has been. There have been claims of poverty. We had Brad call the fight “disgusting“. Angelina’s lawyer dropped her halfway through the game. There was even a truce! Which didn’t last long. From head to toe this had been a wet-hot disaster. The most recent updates were a child custody evaluation which was being done, and it seemed like the two were finally starting to wind down the most epic divorce to ever occur outside of an episode of The Young & The Restless. Welp, think twice about that wind down, kids, because Angelina and Brad are about to turn it up a notch by bringing in a judge to decide all matters of custody about the child army.
TMZ is reporting that Brad and Angelina have been unable to put their issues aside and sort out their six kids in a reasonable and mathematically sound process, and instead are opting for the much more glamorous and pleasant route of having a custody trial which will begin early next month. How hard is it to look at the kids and be like: “Do you want to go with your angry and bitter mommy or your angry and bitter daddy?” Like at this point there is no lesser evil, just make a choice!
They have filed legal documents asking an L.A. Superior Court Judge to allow them to fight out their divorce with the help of a private judge, ultimately hoping to have all their issues resolved by June. June?! You guys filed for divorce in 2016! Are you trying to match the American election cycles? Get it together!
As for the children, the custody trial will begin on December 4th, with Angelina living up to her new Devil-Bitch image by asking for sole physical custody and Brad asking for 50/50 joint custody. This trial could take from two to three weeks.
Then, once that judge has suffered the ire and disdain of these two for those two or three weeks, they will also have to suffer more of the same when the private judge starts handling divvying up all of their property. There is no prenup (which is always a great choice… for gold diggers!), so expect this shit to get contentious. You think people can get possessive of their six human children? Wait until someone mentions that manse off the coast of Bora Bora.