It’s been a week since the couple who personified the definition of everlasting love, Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande, pulled the plug and broke up. Ariana went back into work performing at a pre-taped NBC segment celebrating Wicked, but Pete had been keeping a low-ish profile. Until now. And what does Pete finally have to say about the break up? Did he continue to barf out TMI details like how they broke up because his supposedly enormous 10-inch dick kept getting stuck in her Cupcake Surprise Princess-sized doll body and the fire department had to get them apart? Surprisingly: no.
E! News reports that Pete was in West Hollywood on Saturday, co-hosting and performing in a comedy show with Judd Apatow called Judd & Pete for America. It was a benefit show supporting Swing Left, which is all about the upcoming mid-terms. Pete opened by addressing the huge elephant in the room and getting a jump start on finding a new place to stay since he ain’t gonna be staying with Ariana no more:
“Well, as you could tell, I don’t want to be here. There’s a lot going on… Does anybody have any open rooms? Looking for a roommate?”
Last week a source close to Pete told E! that he was “doing fine” and is “staying with family.” They said:
“He has a strong support system of family and friends around him that are keeping him laughing.”
You know where those laughs would sound better? In the deep acoustics of Ariana’s $16 million NYC apartment. Pete also brought up all those tattoos they got to commemorate each other. See the problem with commemorating someone on your own body is that someday you may wanna forget them. Ariana herself was seen wearing a Band-Aid over one of her tattoos while taping A Very Wicked Halloween.
“Um, I’ve been covering a bunch of tattoos, that’s fun… I’m fucking 0 for 2 in the tattoo [department]. Yeah, I’m afraid to get my mom tattooed on me, that’s how bad it is… So, obviously you know I, we [Ariana and I] broke up or whatever but when me and her first got engaged we got tattoos… And it was like in a magazine like, ‘Was Pete Davidson stupid?’ And 93% of it said yes… So my boy, he was like, ‘Don’t listen to that shit man. They’re literally fucking haters.’ And I’m like, yeah, fuck that. I’m not stupid. And the other day we were in my kitchen and he was like, ‘Yo bro. Turns out you were stupid.'”
Let Pete and Ariana be a warning to you love-struck youth eager to prove your love with some ink in a needle. Draw on each other with Sharpie, or make it Instagram-official instead, okay kids?
Judd thanked Pete for showing up to the show and Pete joked back:
“Well, you put me on the flyer, I had to… Fuck my feelings.”
“I care more about America than your feelings, I do… I care more about America than Pete’s feelings,” Judd joked back. To which Pete darkly replied:
“I feel like I am America… I’m a good guy that just keeps getting kicked in the dick. You’re like, ‘Ah, that fucking poor kid. Hope he doesn’t kill himself.’ That’s America.”
Well Pete, according to all the info about you from the last few months, a kick in the dick is a bad situation for someone like you. There’s a lot of surface area to kick. It’s nice that Pete is able to joke about this. That’s an important step in a break up. And the next step is to swing those 10-inches of dick around to anyone brave enough.