Well, shit. As much as I detest Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, I now have to officially add Cats (excuse me while I hork up a hairball) to my holiday movie must-see list. You see, according Deadline, Idris Elba is in final talks for a role in the upcoming film adaptation, and he might be wearing spandex.
Idris will be joining Sir Ian Mckellen as either Old Deuteronomy (Deadline), or Gus: The Theater Cat (IMDB), and I’m hoping Idris will play the role of The Rum Tum Tugger, the sexiest of all the cats. If that’s the case then, yes, please, tug away, daddy. But alas, Deadline says he will probably be playing Macavity: The Mystery Cat who gets sung about a lot, but doesn’t really have much to do. Plus, according to Cats cannon, Macavity is supposed to be a “ginger cat” and I’d hate to see Idris do orange face.
Jennifer Hudson will be Grizabella: The Glamor Cat and gets the show’s only certified hit, “Memory”, a song to get your teeth drilled to. Taylor Swift and James Corden have been cast as well, yet their characters are unknown. Victoria: The White Cat and Bustopher Jones: The Cat About Town respectively perhaps? Those are real roles, I did not make them up. Cats is deeply, deeply stupid. Tom Hopper who is responsible for letting Russell Crowe gargle pebbles throughout Les Miserables, is directing. Maybe he’ll get creative and create a new role for Idris. How about Purrcifer: The Cunniligus Cat?
It’s been a big year for Idris. He’s currently filming Hobbs & Shaw with The Rock, the Fast And Furious spin-off that sent Tyrese into a tailspin. And he’s got his Netflix comedy about an aging DJ/manny, Turn Up Charlie, coming out in the spring. I’ll leave you with Idris eye-fucking the camera (and therefore by proxy, eye-fucking me) in a birthday message of thanks he shared on Instagram last month. Watch you don’t make a mess in your pants.
Cats is scheduled for release in December 2019. I’ll be waiting with bells on.