Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s all-star royal wedding spectacular may have been stuffed full of more celebrities than the damn Met Gala, and brought out the likes of The Mighty O and Tom Hardy, who became all of us by falling asleep with his eyes open. But Princess Eugenie had Naomi Campbell on her wedding guest list today. The St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle was probably filled with the clickity clack sounds of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan furiously pounding away at their iPhones while rage-texting their wedding guest booker for not getting them THEE Naomi Campbell.
Fresh off from turning a bland turnip of a model into dust on Watch What Happens Live a couple of weeks ago, Naomi showed up to Princess Eugenie’s wedding today in a feather duster of an outfit that makes it easy for her to dust up the remains of her rivals after she decimates them with one look. Speaking of, it was windier than Beyonce’s stage in London today, and the wind dared to try to knock Naomi’s hat right off of her head. Shortly after that picture above was taken, Naomi flinched at the wind so hard that the wind died. RIP wind. You had a good run.
Cara Delevingne was also a guest, and THE QUEEN probably pulled a notebook out of her purse and wrote “a one-way ticket to the gallows” on it and instructed her minions to give it to Cara for looking like Bristol’s third most popular Charlie Chaplin impersonator (which IS the look, by the way) in a treasonous pantsuit!!!
Princess Eugenie’s wedding was also an unofficial conference of Prince Hot Ginge’s exes. Chelsy Davy was there (on the left, not the one on the right who had an Austin Powers costume party to attend to right after the wedding).
So was Cressida Bonas whose dress pattern looks like the strain of flu she was thinking of “suddenly coming down with” so she wouldn’t have to go to the unofficial conference of Prince Hot Ginge’s exes today.
Other guests included Downton Abbey executive producer Julian Fellowes and his wife Emma Joy Kitchener, who killed hos by wearing Alaska’s fattest bear on her head and stunning exquisite white hose.
Liv Tyler was also there.
And an almost-about-to-birth-a-human Pippa Middleton.
And Pixie Geldof whose husband is wondering why she’s wearing Angelyne’s bed sheets to a wedding.
And Robbie Williams, who I’m choosing to believe used a little There’s Something About Mary hair “gel” to get that jizz crusted wave:
And Kate Moss.
— InStyle (@InStyle) October 12, 2018
And Demi Moore for some reason.
Demi Moore and Naomi Campbell arrive arrive at Princess Eugenie's wedding.
— Sky News (@SkyNews) October 12, 2018
Some of the names made my brain burp up a tornado of question marks, because I’m not sure why they were there. But two people I thought would be there weren’t. Princess Eugenie’s new husband Jack Brooksbank works for George Clooney’s tequila brand so everyone figured George and Amal Clooney would be there. They weren’t.
So George and Amal skipped out on a high-profile event where they’d get their picture taken by dozens of paps? If Taylor Swift pissing off Republicans and Kanye West licking on Trump’s naranja huevos doesn’t prove to you that we’re living in backwards time, then George and Amal choosing to skip a photo-op opportunity will.