Four States Have Been Kicked Out Of The Miss America Pageant Because Of A Rebellion

October 9, 2018 / Posted by:

It is fucking anarchy over at the Miss America Pageant. Deadline is reporting that, after a bunch of states tried organizing a “revolt” against the leadership of the Miss America Organization, the organization has decided to terminate the licenses of four states and then threatened another 15 with probation! Probation?! Is this jail? Is this the court system? Buckle up for this high-octane drama.

This all started when some states voiced their disdain towards the way the head of the organization, Gretchen Carlson (from Fox News infamy), and CEO Regina Hopper, were running things. What they specifically hated about Gretchen and Regina’s job (Omg someone get them a friend named Karen) was not revealed, but this rebellion did start around the same time that the swimsuit competition was eliminated. This pissed off a few states, but they swear that it’s not about that. Sure, Jan; it’s definitely about that.

Back in August a bunch of former winners, including Suzette Charles and Heather Whitestone co-signed Cara Mund’s claims that Gretchen Carlson was an evil bully. Along with 23 other former Miss Americas, they called for Gretchen and Regina to step down from their Mean Girls table and leave the innocents at Miss America alone.

The Associated Press is saying that Georgia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania and an unknown fourth state were told they can stay home this pageant season. These states are now no longer affiliated with the Miss America Organization and they must turn over the bank accounts filled with all of that sweet, sweet scholarship money. The states who got fired will be able to request an appeal hearing if they want to get back in on the competition, and I hope they do. I better see Miss America contestants past and present filling the streets throwing their long-dead flowers from their winning bouquets at people on the street and chanting rage at their representatives. Free Miss America! …Or whatever it is the states want? The swimsuit back, I guess? Bring back the swimsuit!

You know, if this really is about the swimsuit they should try to find a happy middle-ground. Like, lets continue to sexualize the women with the swimsuit competition, but while they’re doing it they also participate in a Spelling Bee! Beauty and brains! Right? It’s all about compromise.


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