Seen above looking like he got jumped by a gang of Sun-In bottles and lost, Ansel Elgort will get jumped by a gang of Sharks in the West Side Story movie remake we really don’t need and really, really don’t need from Steven Spielberg. Because of that mop on his head, it may look like Ansel’s going to play Anybodys in West Side Story (or should I say, Sandy Duncan as Anybodys), but he’s going to sing and dance as Tony.
The role of Tony, who brings the raw emotion while crooning out Maria, has been played by Larry Kert (the original 1957 Broadway production), Richard Beymer (the 1961 movie), Matt Cavenaugh (the 2009 Broadway revival), and a naked Alexander Skarsgard (the production in my wet dreams). And now it’s gonna be Ansel Elgort who twirls, dances, twirls, throws jazz hands, and twirls for Maria’s love.
Deadline says that the casting of Baby Driver is the latest big decision that is keeping Spielberg’s West Side Story moving forward. Spielberg is doing a new take (whatever that means), and Tony Kushner is writing the script. Ballerino Justin Peck, who won a Tony for choreographing the latest Broadway revival of Carousel, will create the badass bitch leaps and chest puffs the Sharks and Jets will bust out while fight dancing. RIP Jerome Robbins’ legendary choreographer.
Shooting for Spielberg’s West Side Story will start in summer 2019.
As for if Ansel Elgort can sing, he did go to LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and Performing Arts in NYC, where he sang in productions of Hairspray and Guys & Dolls. Here he is doing a baby Frank Sinatra impersonation while crooning out a piece of Luck Be A Lady from Guys & Dolls.
And who can forget the Great Value Nick Jonas impersonation that Ansel did while whine-singing this cringeworthy pop jewel:
No other casting for Spielberg’s West Side Story has been announced, but there was a rumor a minute ago that Camila Cabello had been cast as Maria. So I’m guessing that in Spielberg’s reimagining of West Side Story, Tony is half-deaf, which explains why he can handle Maria’s raw warble, and Maria dumps Tony halfway through after seeing his video for Thief.
But seriously, Tony and Maria are the blandest ones in West Side Story. Who cares about them! The only casting I care about is: ANITA! Since this is Hollywood we’re talking about, I’m bracing myself for this headline: Ariana Grande IS Anita in Spielberg’s West Side Story. And when everyone lets producers know that Ariana Grande isn’t Latina, Hollywood will respond with, “But, but the word ‘Grande’ is all over the Taco Bell menu!”
Spielberg shouldn’t even waste his time with auditioning Anitas. All he has to do is cast Rita Moreno!
Or Chita Rivera!
Take your pick, Spielberg. They’ve both still got it. Although, Spielberg would have to tell them to turn down their energy to match the youngins’ in his movie.