The writers of Saturday Night Live must’ve been chilling out on a tropical beach somewhere sipping margis and jet skiing sans helmets ahead of scripting the premier episode of SNL, because during the past week’s political shit show in Washington, DC, the jokes practically wrote themselves. Most people tuning in last night were expecting a rip on the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, and last night’s Cold Open did just that, with Matt Damon stepping into the starring role of Brett “I Love Beer” Kavanaugh.
As Variety reports with handy transcripts, nearly no ridiculous moment of the actual hearings when unnoticed in Matt’s reenactment, from Brett’s cranky pants “I’m going to start at an 11. I’m going to take it to about a 15 real quick” to chugging water like he’s attempting a keg stand with the help of his old drinking buddies “Donkey Dong” Doug, “Gang Bang” Greg and Dougie “One Nut“. Matt managed to keep a straight/angry face throughout the sketch as he fake cried over his “creepy calendar” and alluded to his proud virgin-hood.
But it’s Kate McKinnon‘s portrayal of Senator Lindsey Graham as a ragey little guy in a too big suit and pointing finger that will haunt your dreams tonight. Kate’s reenactment is a pinch of Slappy the Dummy from Goosebumps, a sprinkle of Chet as the blob in Weird Science and a generous helping of Lindsey as his belligerent angsty self as she compares the proceedings to Bill Cosby‘s conviction, much to Matt’s chagrin.
As I wrote yesterday, I was hanging out for a tip of the hat to Alyssa Milano’s appearance at the hearings, because DAMN if she didn’t figure out how to get maximum airtime in the courtroom during both testimonies. A cardboard cutout of her head popped up over Matt’s shoulder early on, and later over the shoulder of Rachel Dratch, guest starring in the role of Senator Amy Klobuchar, who received most of Brett’s frat boy rage during the real proceedings as he gave her the old “I know you are, but what am I” treatment during her questioning of his black out drinking history. This reenactment did not disappoint, with Alyssa’s cutout once again popping up behind Rachel, who questions: “Is Alyssa Milano behind me? She is SO good at finding her lens.”
Matt was good last night and some Youtubers are calling for his Emmy nomination now, while many say it was such an accurate portrayal of what actually happened, it wasn’t much of a stretch. Before you decide who should get an award for the best parody to come out of this Supreme Court nomination fuckery, if you are one of the few people that haven’t already watched the mashup of Brett’s hearing spliced with Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction, go ahead and put down that footlong Subway and watch both videos now.
Funny as hell, but there’s nothing funny about his Lying Fratboy Ass!!! https://t.co/rSHcrMzMUM
— Samuel L. Jackson (@SamuelLJackson) September 28, 2018
And here’s the full skit: