Sure, you chuckle and keep scrolling whenever someone brings up the Illuminati. It’s such a silly idea to think Beyoncé and husband Jay-Z run a super secret sect of famous celebrities dedicated to ruling the world through money and evil magick, right? Well, you should have studied your one dollar bills more carefully, disbeliever. Because the Illuminati is real, Beyoncé is a powerful witch, and her former drummer Kimberly Thompson is trying to yank back the curtain on the HBIC of the Illuminati despite the evil spells that Bey has cast upon her.
Kimberly refrained from just marching into the offices of The Weekly World News with her scary story. She went straight to a court of law. The Blast reports that Kimberly, who says she was with Mrs. Carter’s touring band for seven years, tried to obtain a restraining order against Bey for various reasons. Kitten murder? *sad-face*
She claims that for some reason, Bey has started a campaign of harassment against her, that includes “Extreme witchcraft, Dark magic” and “Magic spells of sexual molestation.” She also claims the “Lemonade” star murdered her kitten.
Well, maybe the kitten looked at her wrong. The judge, obviously realizing what was up with Kimberly, denied her request for a temporary restraining order and was nice enough not to commit her.
In her court filing, Kimberly Thompson, who apparently was a drummer for Beyonce in the past, also claims that Beyoncé’ has been taping her phone conversations and taken control of her finances. She didn’t specify a motive for why Beyoncé’ has done everything but send winged monkeys to attack her ass. But we already know why – Beyoncé’ is evil! Have you ever seen that clip from back in the Destiny’s Child days when Kelly Rowlands had the nerve to describe herself as Destiny’s “second lead vocalist?” Beyonce fake-coughed an incantation about her and then gave her the evil eye, and it’s all on camera. And that’s why you haven’t seen Kelly on a chart since she sang back-up for Nelly in 2002.