Missy Elliott’s Funky White Sister Is August’s Hot Slut Of The Month! (IMPORTANT UPDATE)
The animal kingdom’s control over the Hot Slut of the Month throne has come to an end. The last five HSOTM crowns have been worn by an animal, but the humans have snatched it back for August.
Mary Halsey, the new White Queen of Rap, has another illustrious title. She’s now the reigning Queen of Hot Sluts. Missy Elliott’s funky white sister, who dropped pure fire onto some BBQ in a park, got 47% of your votes. Peacemaker Dog was on Mary Halsey’s tail for a bit, but the 37% of votes they got wasn’t enough to keep the HSOTM title with the animals. Jessie The Charming Parrot got 11% of the votes and The Padres Game Dance Machine got 5%.
Mary now joins Judge Rosemarie Aquilina and The Tutu-Wearing Ice Crasher as the humans who will battle an army of Hot Slut animals in the Hot Slut of the Year semi-finals next year.
IMPORTANT UPDATE:
Our reigning HSOTM joined rap forces with Missy Elliott on an episode of Ellen airing today. We don’t need a Maury DNA test to prove these two are obviously sisters, because their identical flow tells all!
Mary Halsey also got a jacket that read “Missy’s Funky White Sister” on the back of it from Ellen. Strangely enough, Ellen didn’t also give Mary and Missy the contents of all of her bank accounts as a gift for being the best thing to happen to her show. Weird, I know.
And now I leave you with this old video of our newest HSOTM inductee and real-life Melissa McCarthy character doing My Humps at a backyard party. It’s amazing that the lady next to Mary isn’t the color of her plastic martini glass since she’s obviously jealous of Mary’s skills!
No, she’s obviously stunned by Mary’s talent. Like we all are, which is why I’m typing this sentence with my nose, because my fingers are too paralyzed by Mary’s skills to move.
Thanks to all who voted!
Pic: Twitter