Paul McCartney Says He Once Fapped With John Lennon

September 11, 2018 / Posted by:

We’ve all enjoyed a good tune from time to time by The Beatles, but I’ve never really connected with them like my parents did. That all changed this morning! Coming straight from the Quincy Jones school of no fucks left to give, Paul McCartney gave an interview that probably has daughter Stella McCartney sobbing from embarrassment into a crate of environmentally friendly chiffon at her design studio. Paul says that back in the day and before they were world-famous Beatles, he and John Lennon were just typical horny boys who liked to play with their trouser Yellow Submarines, er, trouser snakes. They were so boned once (or twice!) that Paul says he, John, and a group of friends jerked off together!

John and Paul may have had a pretty easy time writing “With A Little Help From My Friend”  because Paul told GQ they had a little friend-time tug in the early days:

“What it was was over at John’s house, and it was just a group of us. And instead of just getting roaring drunk and partying—I don’t even know if we were staying over or anything—we were all just in these chairs, and the lights were out, and somebody started masturbating, so we all did.”

The story goes that it was about five of them. The other three don’t appear to be George Harrison, Ringo Starr, or Yoko Ono, but I’m sure that will appear as fan fiction on LiveJournal by sundown. Paul also kind of threw John under the bus by saying that, while he was more of a one-on-one guy, Yoko’s boo-thang was into kinky shit like boning someone’s wife while the husband watched. Today, that’s just called an option on

Paul and John’s masturbation ritual also sounds highly vocal because each guy would shout out the name of a gal to think about while they rubbed one out, per Paul:

“We were just, ‘Brigitte Bardot!’ ‘Whoo!’…and then everyone would thrash a bit more.”

Naturally, reporter Chris Heath did his job and asked if this was a one-off performance or if there was more of an artist-in-residency prolonged kind of thing. Sadly, it was fleeting:

“I think it was a one-off. Or maybe it was like a two-off. It wasn’t a big thing. But, you know, it was just the kind of thing you didn’t think much of. It was just a group…There’s so many things like that from when you’re a kid that you look back on and you’re, ‘Did we do that?’ But it was good harmless fun. It didn’t hurt anyone. Not even Brigitte Bardot.”

I hope Brigitte issues a response to say, “Funny, me and my friends later did the same thing and yelled out Paul’s name! Just kidding…we were more The Monkees kind of people.


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